I Wanna Be A Flintstone

John "Johnny Rotten" Lydon's recent commercial for a British butter company has been ricocheting around the blogosphere. The former frontman for the Sex Pistols got a big ol' chunk of change for this whimsical, slightly absurd little piece at a time when the company who signed him on to do this shortened their payroll. (Come on, people: How do you expect them to pay the punk-rock icon's Appropriate Fee and working stiffs' wages at the same time?) I'm not even going to lambaste Lydon for making a buck. When Johnny was your age, he was at the forefront of a cultural revolution carving his name into rock history. He was also getting hassled by police frequently, violently attacked by passersby and watching the things he loved (family, friends) die. As a member of Public Image Ltd., he's been part of some of the greatest alt-rock albums ever made. (Next time you corner Matt Skiba, ask him to tell you his favorite band in life.)

But unlike all the bands whose music you pulled off the net for free, Lydon doesn't need money. Years ago, a British court gave him ownership of Glitterbest and Matrixbest, the companies put together by former Pistols manager Malcolm McLaren to exploit the living hell out of the band. In addition, Lydon's wife is a German newspaper heiress. Oh, and did I mention he's licensed to sell real estate in Malibu, California? So why in the hell is he pimping for butter when at his age, he should be leaning the other way and carrying the banner for Lipitor? You wanna live longer to spend that cash, right? Less butter, more cheddar, f'r sure...

Cultural relevance is an addictive drug. Does any British national 40 years or older think that butter tastes better because J-Ro's pimping it? ("Cor! 'e spat in my mouf at the Roxy in '76. Gotta go the shop, now!") No. Most people who see Lydon now frame him as a celebrity cartoon with nothing to offer but camp. Our John is never going to write another song as great as "Bodies" or "Swan Lake," but he might ride a Pistols reunion tour into the sunset if it means getting the attention of dullards who claim that band changed their life, even if they do have a complete collection of Journey discs (Oh wait: I already blogged about those hydrocephalic types at XM). Lydon isn't racist, but we know he got some news mileage out of that whole "black attitude" run-in with Bloc Party's Kele Okereke at a music festival in Barcelona, Spain. These days, the thought of Lydon in a guest-judge slot on American Idol doesn't seem far-fetched, but it doesn't seem like prime TiVo bait, either.

Earlier this week, I blogged about Peter Hammill, the leader of Van der Graaf Generator and solo artist whose music Lydon has championed in the past. I heard a story that an NPR affiliate was doing a piece on Hammill and contacted John Boy's manager to see if they could secure an interview with J-Ro discussing Hammill's work. Management turned the producer down cold, saying "Requests like these are so tiresome..."

Said management dude certainly knows what "tiresome" is--he's been making bank off of it for years, now...