The Pilgrims' Revenge
Excuse me while I get into my Wayback Machine: I wasted most of my twenties working for a crappy record store chain. The experience left me with a) a breadth of information about other music than the stuff I obsess about, b) a working knowledge of how NOT to run a business, and finally c) a well-developed sense of misanthropy that I will carry with me for the rest of my life. The situation also left me with a complete phobia of shopping malls from Thanksgiving to December 31. Seriously, if you see me in a mall in the next few weeks, it's because I lost a bet with my wife.
The thing about shopping malls that really grips my shit is the consistently early arrival of Christmas decorations/sales/brainwashing (Jack-O-Lanterns riding in sleighs, turkeys building toys in Santa's workshop etc.) every year. It's like Thanksgiving means absolutely nothing to people, barring those parades with the big balloons that Macy's always bankrolls. I've always felt the pilgrims got a raw deal, watching the hard work and sacrifices they made for a better life for their families to be relegated as The Day Before The Busiest Shopping Day Of The Year. Longtime readers of AP may remember a small feature we used to do in the front of the book called "The Pilgrim's Revenge." That was my doing: I made all the editors make a list of what they were thankful for that year and why. Yeah, there was eye-rolling, fidgeting and some smartassed "Why are we doing this again" comments. I think I demanded three installments before I grew weary of the "uuuuuhhhhh, do we gotta do this AGAIN" moaning.
I still think Thanksgiving needs more respect. Most of us stuff ourselves, lapse into a food coma, wake up and repeat the process again two more times before the EnormoMart opens at 4 am Friday. We should be thankful for so much. Like the friends and family who put up with your bullshit 365 days of year simply because the state where you live doesn't have those "safe haven" laws like they do in Nebraska. Give thanks for the computer technology that hosts the message boards where you can anonymously post how much you hate [insert band who could care less about your mewling here] without retribution! Give thanks for the oh-so-very-important stuff that keeps you from worrying about real problems.
So until pilgrim chic becomes the next steampunk trend ("Dude, check it out: Hot Topic is selling musket replicas!") and a wave of underground bands start teaming up for Thanksgiving compilation albums, I'm just going to sit back and be thankful in silence. Don't worry: I promise I will go back to becoming a total and complete bastard after this Thursday. But for the next 24 hours, I'm going to savor every laugh, smile, fork of food and pleading look from Shelties wanting turkey.
Happy Thanksgiving everybody. Even you, Kevin Seconds.
The thing about shopping malls that really grips my shit is the consistently early arrival of Christmas decorations/sales/brainwashing (Jack-O-Lanterns riding in sleighs, turkeys building toys in Santa's workshop etc.) every year. It's like Thanksgiving means absolutely nothing to people, barring those parades with the big balloons that Macy's always bankrolls. I've always felt the pilgrims got a raw deal, watching the hard work and sacrifices they made for a better life for their families to be relegated as The Day Before The Busiest Shopping Day Of The Year. Longtime readers of AP may remember a small feature we used to do in the front of the book called "The Pilgrim's Revenge." That was my doing: I made all the editors make a list of what they were thankful for that year and why. Yeah, there was eye-rolling, fidgeting and some smartassed "Why are we doing this again" comments. I think I demanded three installments before I grew weary of the "uuuuuhhhhh, do we gotta do this AGAIN" moaning.
I still think Thanksgiving needs more respect. Most of us stuff ourselves, lapse into a food coma, wake up and repeat the process again two more times before the EnormoMart opens at 4 am Friday. We should be thankful for so much. Like the friends and family who put up with your bullshit 365 days of year simply because the state where you live doesn't have those "safe haven" laws like they do in Nebraska. Give thanks for the computer technology that hosts the message boards where you can anonymously post how much you hate [insert band who could care less about your mewling here] without retribution! Give thanks for the oh-so-very-important stuff that keeps you from worrying about real problems.
So until pilgrim chic becomes the next steampunk trend ("Dude, check it out: Hot Topic is selling musket replicas!") and a wave of underground bands start teaming up for Thanksgiving compilation albums, I'm just going to sit back and be thankful in silence. Don't worry: I promise I will go back to becoming a total and complete bastard after this Thursday. But for the next 24 hours, I'm going to savor every laugh, smile, fork of food and pleading look from Shelties wanting turkey.
Happy Thanksgiving everybody. Even you, Kevin Seconds.
3 Comments:
I AM thankful for friends, family, as well as the basic necessities of life, among other things. I could be here all day listing them.
I am NOT thankful for demanding retail shoppers, Christmas music being piped into where I work (ie; a Gap store) two weeks before Thanksgiving, and never ending MTV reality shows.
HAPPY THANKSGIVING EVERYONE!
Amen! The increasingly early arrival of Christmas decorations each year is nothing less than incredibly annoying! Thanksgiving does get a raw deal and that just isn't cool. Thanksgiving is my favorite holiday because it is the one connected with my fondest of childhood memories. I'd like to say that I am incredibly thankful for all that I have because I know what it is like to live without.
Happy (belated) Thanksgiving!
I'm thankful for Teddy. I have a job. I am paying my bills.
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