Not Necessarily The Opinion Of AP
Back when Pitchfork media founder Ryan Schreiber was still trying to figure out how to scam free discs from indie labels, the be-all, end-all in sarcastic/ironic snark was Chunklet. The maga-/fan-zine, started in 1993 by cuddly misanthrope wiseguy Henry Owings, prides itself as a music magazine with no reviews, choosing instead to lampoon the music it loves. Over the years, Chunklet has given the world a number of number of hilarious features, such as The Top 100 Assholes In Rock (to which yours truly made it to the Number 30 position), the Bands We'll Pay To Break Up and one issue from way, way back that mercilessly stuck the knife into the whole music publicity industry. When Owings and his coterie of hipster potentates (some inspired, some only great via association) got to working on something, you could expect a pretty good read.
Their most recent issue has a piece called Music Mag Mix 'N' Match where 40-plus mags were demeaned in one paragraph and you had to guess what the mag was (or cheat by looking at the answers printed upside-down on the last page.) When I saw this feature, I knew there was no way I was going to escape Owings' crowings. And of course, there it was in the number six position...
Once a decent rag, now literally the most irrelevant Hot Topic-style, mall culture, emo Victoria's secret catalogue imaginable. Presently, it is a meaningless neo-emo/hardcore fish wrapper, but it once had Insane Clown Posse on the cover three times in one year. Jason Pettigrew has let a benign mid-'90s alt-monthly turn into probably the worst music magazine ever published.
Notice how we went from "decent' to "benign" in, what, two sentences? After reading it, I thanked Henry for the "shout-out," and he charmingly responded, "But of course, Jason. Nothin' but love, you know that."
I think at one point in their lives, everybody has a fast buddy they talk smack on right to their faces. They say the most heinous stuff imaginable--kind of like those Friars Club Roasts that Comedy Central puts on--and it's totally cool because a) you're talking among friends, b) the essence of the repartee is to celebrate said friendship and c) given the talents of the folks involved, the stuff is funnier that dogshit. Naturally, if some interloper attacks from the outside, it's inevitable he's going to get a beatdown, psychic or otherwise.
But does that kind of camaraderie work on the web? For instance, if I were to write that Multiple-Time AP Cover Star X can only get sexually aroused dressed up as the Green Lantern while listening to tapes of terrorist suspects being waterboarded, would he appreciate it? If I report that Scene Fixture B threw up hot wings and microbrews on some hooker in a toilet in some Chicago dive bar, would anyone care? ( I mean, it probably would if said character was signed to Tooth & Nail.) How much public goofing can one friendship handle?
I signed up for Twitter and I'm floored as to how many people are watching my pathetic ass. Sure, I've only "tweeted" once (I forgot my fecking password), but I wonder if whatever Jason "the Twit" says on his account is emblematic of AP as a whole. If I post "Saw Tim Karan @ Senses Fail gig with some girl. Must ask if he switched mail-order-bride catalogs," is Tim going to be a target for militant femmes in Sugar Hooker swag AND will AP (not JP) be tarred with a chauvinist brush? If I were to enter, "Lead singer of Clear Channel-endorsed rock band would be really sexy, if he only had steak knives violently thrust into his eye sockets," would that be considered a terroristic threat in today's technologically savvy, yet increasingly paranoid worldview?
Recently, a band that was featured in our AP&R section was talking smack on us on a message board. I am not married to the drummer's sister; the members of the band aren't drinking buddies with Tim; and I'm pretty sure said band doesn't go over to Scott Heisel's for weekend man retreats. (On every other Saturday night, they sit around a huge fire pit while wearing nothing but loincloths, eating meats prepared over the fire while listening to the "inclusion rock" sounds of the Hold Steady.) So then, should I dismiss said diaper-drinker as a child with computer access? Or should I go batshit crazy on Twitter? "I Nailed The Lead Singer Of The Dogcatchers' Mom In A Bus Station, But AP Still Sucks!"
Hang on: How many characters is that, exactly?
Their most recent issue has a piece called Music Mag Mix 'N' Match where 40-plus mags were demeaned in one paragraph and you had to guess what the mag was (or cheat by looking at the answers printed upside-down on the last page.) When I saw this feature, I knew there was no way I was going to escape Owings' crowings. And of course, there it was in the number six position...
Once a decent rag, now literally the most irrelevant Hot Topic-style, mall culture, emo Victoria's secret catalogue imaginable. Presently, it is a meaningless neo-emo/hardcore fish wrapper, but it once had Insane Clown Posse on the cover three times in one year. Jason Pettigrew has let a benign mid-'90s alt-monthly turn into probably the worst music magazine ever published.
Notice how we went from "decent' to "benign" in, what, two sentences? After reading it, I thanked Henry for the "shout-out," and he charmingly responded, "But of course, Jason. Nothin' but love, you know that."
I think at one point in their lives, everybody has a fast buddy they talk smack on right to their faces. They say the most heinous stuff imaginable--kind of like those Friars Club Roasts that Comedy Central puts on--and it's totally cool because a) you're talking among friends, b) the essence of the repartee is to celebrate said friendship and c) given the talents of the folks involved, the stuff is funnier that dogshit. Naturally, if some interloper attacks from the outside, it's inevitable he's going to get a beatdown, psychic or otherwise.
But does that kind of camaraderie work on the web? For instance, if I were to write that Multiple-Time AP Cover Star X can only get sexually aroused dressed up as the Green Lantern while listening to tapes of terrorist suspects being waterboarded, would he appreciate it? If I report that Scene Fixture B threw up hot wings and microbrews on some hooker in a toilet in some Chicago dive bar, would anyone care? ( I mean, it probably would if said character was signed to Tooth & Nail.) How much public goofing can one friendship handle?
I signed up for Twitter and I'm floored as to how many people are watching my pathetic ass. Sure, I've only "tweeted" once (I forgot my fecking password), but I wonder if whatever Jason "the Twit" says on his account is emblematic of AP as a whole. If I post "Saw Tim Karan @ Senses Fail gig with some girl. Must ask if he switched mail-order-bride catalogs," is Tim going to be a target for militant femmes in Sugar Hooker swag AND will AP (not JP) be tarred with a chauvinist brush? If I were to enter, "Lead singer of Clear Channel-endorsed rock band would be really sexy, if he only had steak knives violently thrust into his eye sockets," would that be considered a terroristic threat in today's technologically savvy, yet increasingly paranoid worldview?
Recently, a band that was featured in our AP&R section was talking smack on us on a message board. I am not married to the drummer's sister; the members of the band aren't drinking buddies with Tim; and I'm pretty sure said band doesn't go over to Scott Heisel's for weekend man retreats. (On every other Saturday night, they sit around a huge fire pit while wearing nothing but loincloths, eating meats prepared over the fire while listening to the "inclusion rock" sounds of the Hold Steady.) So then, should I dismiss said diaper-drinker as a child with computer access? Or should I go batshit crazy on Twitter? "I Nailed The Lead Singer Of The Dogcatchers' Mom In A Bus Station, But AP Still Sucks!"
Hang on: How many characters is that, exactly?
2 Comments:
This actually is an interesting blog. Jason if I say it once, I'll say it again, no matter who you ridicule it's so funny and off the wall that I can't help but laugh, and know that deep inside you really don't mean it, unless of course it's about some Clear Channel band, then I'm not so sure... btw good Young Ones link in the last blog, I didn't catch it at first.
Keep working on it, I'm sure you can make it to number one.
Truth be told, everything you do, everywhere - in person, on the web, on the phone or via telegraph - can be seen as AP trash talking, not JP being an idiot.
You can either self censor everything, or just accept that there will always be some level of flack. Given you, I expect that you abide.
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