Let's All Just Stay Calm

After a luxuriously long Labor Day weekend, I returned to the AP skyscraper yesterday ready to get my edit on. As per the usual, I was prepared for a variety of natural and manmade disasters. It's hurricane season, my friends, and it's getting dangerously close to flu season and a new season of 90210 has just started. When those fronts cross paths: Perfect storm. This could be the end times, I thought, so I was prepared for anything.

What I was not prepared for was an aromatic onslaught of sausage (or kielbasa, as it is called in some parts of the world). It's not that I have seething contempt for all meat-eaters--I'm not perfect either. Sometimes, when I think no one's looking, I watch a few minutes of The Hills. When I'm grocery shopping and decide I don't really want that second box of Nerds, I don't always walk them back to the candy aisle. Sometimes I'll leave them right there by the bagels.

Does that make me such a bad person? Let he who has never watched a second of The Hills throw the first Nerd box, okay?

Hopefully we can put this behind us and move on.

So I spent a large majority of the afternoon yesterday trying not to throw up my mandarin oranges in response to the horrific smell emanating from everywhere. By the end of the day, the stench of spiced death had subsided, or it had killed the brain cells that would have enabled me to notice it was still there. Either way, it was out of my life.

So this morning, after the threat of apocalypse as ushered in by cased-carcasses and the Beverly Hills brigade (also, has anyone else noticed how skeletal those girls are?) was successfully diverted, I was positively optimistic. And then the entire building decided to wreak of burnt rubber. Apparently we share our space with some kielbasa-lovin' street racers. So I'm not even mad about the smell, I'm just mad I wasn't invited to the quarter-mile. I would have brought my own veggie burgers. In fact, I'd have brought some to share just in case, and we could have made jokes about Bill O'Reilly, and we could have ran through the sprinkler, and painted each others' nails to match our suped-up rides and it would have been great. But no, they ruined it.

One more confession: I did however DVR the premiere of the new 90210. Just in case it doesn't suck.