Based On A True Story

Put Your Real Life On Pause: What ever happened to the after-school special? You know what I'm talking about, those corny movies that warned us about the dangers of drugs, eating disorders, wandering away from your mom at the mall and wearing leather jackets, and of course these made-for-TV-gems were always based on actual events to ensure they scared us straight. In that spirit, I bring you "Watch Me: Special Edition (The After-School Special Story)" and will recommend an after-school show to fill that void--and maybe even teach you something about life. Maybe.

Monday
The Darjeeling Limited (4:30 p.m. on Cinemax)
Look in the mirror, take off that leather jacket, and ask yourself when didn't you learn something from a Wes Anderson film? Yeah, that's what I thought.
(p.s. If you don't get Cinemax, you should totally Netflix this one)

Tuesday
The O.C. (3 p.m & 4 p.m. on Soap)
There is so much we can learn from the troubled characters of Orange County: drugs, lies, money, corruption, questionable fashion choices. Yep, Coop & Co. have it all.

Wednesday
The Skulls (3 p.m. on AMC)

College life is full of dangerous situations, not the least of which is sketchy food, but the horrors of cereal and wilty salad pale in comparison to membership in exclusive, and deadly, campus clubs (you should be all right with choir, but Paul Walker and Pacey make no promises).

Thursday
If Looks Could Kill: The John Hawkins Story (4 p.m. on LMN)

We found one! It's based a true story (it even says so in the title!) and it's about a drug dealer evading the law. The after-school special lives! (Well, sort of. I don't think there are any scenes on the soccer-field bleachers, which is an after-school special "must-have.")

Friday

20 Best And Worst Celebrity Plastic Surgeries (3 p.m. on E!)

Ignore the "bests," and just take the "worsts" as a warning. Nothing in life comes easy, except maybe on Deal Or No Deal.

And there you have it: All of life's major lessons in five days--and you don't even have to leave your couch. Do you have any after-school special memories, or life-lessons you'd like to share? Either make a made-for-TV movie about, or just leave it in the comments, depending on how ambitious you feel today.