In Memoriam

Put Your Real Life On Pause: Maybe you're too young to remember the glory days of the Golden Girls. Okay, maybe I'm too young for that, too. But who hasn't spent a Saturday afternoon enjoying a GG marathon, maybe eating nachos and wearing cozy slippers, even though your homework was waiting in the other room. Yep, we've all been there (right?). But now those afternoons will be bittersweet: At 86 years young, Bea Arther (Golden Girl Dorothy Zbornak) lost her battle with cancer this past Saturday.

I know what you're thinking: "Isn't it kind of silly to focus so much on TV characters and actors/actresses you don't even know?" In some ways, yes. Television can be frivolous, simultaneously shrinking your brain while adding inches to your waistline. But beyond the laziness and gluttony that has basically enveloped our entire culture, TV is more than that. It's a reflection in some ways of who we are, and in other ways, of who we want to be. It can confront heavy social and political norms and values, without losing its sense of humor--and, to me at least, Golden Girls was one of those shows. The best TV shows are the ones that make you reevaluate your own life before you even realize it.

So we lost a legend, but we'll always have the laughter.

Mark your calendars: On Monday, May 25, the Hallmark Channel will pay tribute to Arthur with a Golden Girls Memorial Day Marathon featuring Dorothy-centric episodes on from 6:30 am until 2:30 am EST. I'll bring the nachos, you bring the slippers, and we'll all leave our work on the desk for the afternoon.

It's A Pirate's Life

Put Your Real Life On Pause: Those of us who romanticized a scallywag's life on the high seas thanks to Pirates Of The Caribbean have had a serious reality check. Pirates are definitely not like Johnny Depp or Orlando Bloom. Bummer. But in case you've still got a touch of the skull-and-crossbones fever, fear not, South Park's got you covered this week.

What? South Park

When? 10 p.m. (repeat at midnight)

Where? Comedy Central

Why? First of all, it always bodes well when foul-mouthed cartoon characters make jokes out of a very serious real-life situations. Cartman, aka pirate Fatbeard, recruits Butters & Co to join him on a journey to Skull Island--dangling a tropical paradise in front of their noses like a Twinkie. So where are they going? Somalia of course! Too soon? Yeah, probably.

South Park is in its 13th (!) season, but growing older does not mean its getting any more mature. After all, what could possibly be more "pirate" than to capitalize on the traumatizing misfortunes of others. Hilarity, ahoy!

TV to DVD April 14

Life is short, too short to watch commercials. If you don't have a DVR that will let you fast-forward through all the advertisements (and the first fifteen seconds the show if, like me, you're not so quick with the hand-eye coordination), then TV on DVD is the next best thing. While most of your Tuesday lunch money will go toward the purchase of new albums, if you find yourself more drawn toward the arts of the small-screen, here are some TV on DVD options out this week that are worth considering.

If you live in Canada, you get universal healthcare, and now:

Wolverine & the X-Men Season 1, Chapter 1 Limited Edition

Do your homework before the X-Men movie hits theaters this summer. 

In case you missed it last week, check out:

Davey And Goliath: Lost Episodes

Claymation really is a lost art that can be best appreciated with this lost episodes collection.

Alias, Season 5

The previous edition of Season 5 has been discontinued and this one has taken its place. So what's different? You'll have to watch and see (and maybe be mad if you already have the complete series on DVD).

Capital Hill-arious

Is that a human bone? You'll have to watch and see.

Put Your Real Life On Pause:

Parks And Recreation

When? 8:30 p.m. Thursday

Where? NBC

Who? Amy Poehler, Rashida Jones, Paul Schneider

Let's be honest, the business of local government isn't usually hilarious, or even entertaining really. But the folks over at NBC are on a roll when it comes to making faux-reality even better than real reality. We have the Office on Thursday nights, and beginning this week we have Parks And Recreation.

NBC's latest half-hour almost-reality comedy takes us to Pawnee, Indiana, where we meet Leslie Knope (Poehler), a mid-level bureaucrat in the Parks And Recreation department. Any one of us who's had even the most remote interaction with mid-level government bureaucrats knows what will ensue, but it's a lot funnier on TV than when you've actually waited in line for hours only to find out you were in the wrong line, in the wrong building, looking for a department that no longer exists but still requires two forms of identification to get in the door. Seriously.

I've got pretty high hopes for this show. While I don't expect it will trump Poehler's fellow SNL-alum Tina Fey's 30 Rock (which is also on NBC's killer Thursday night lineup), I think it'll put up a good fight. We'll have to watch and see.

What else is on this week?

It's The Easter Beagle, Charlie Brown! (8p.m. Tuesday on ABC)

Charlie Brown was emo before you even knew what MySpace was. Show some respect.