Less constructive advice

So somehow my first blog entry in my Say Anything-personalized-blog-dillyhoo experiment turned into a cult favorite among aspiring journalists. 

Who knew I could spout off something quasi-useful? Certainly nobody who knows me personally or professionally.

So I think for the second reader-submitted blog subject, I'm gonna reach way back and pull this suggestion from lunarflame17 who may or may not have been serious when posting:

I think you should write about how to deal with a landlady who thinks that barn stars are devices for transmitting secret signals to the government and who drives backwards down the road for two miles to tell a random person that she's convinced that her neighbors are Nazi terrorists. Because my sister-in-law could probably use that kind of advice.

Oh, lunarflame17 (and lunarflame17's sister-in-law).

We've all been in this situation.

However, I'm not really an expert on real estate or landlord legalities. I do, however, watch a lot of HGTV. (Watching how upper-middle class yuppies laboriously decide on which type of granite counter tops define them as a couple has become like porn to me).

I guess the questions I have are these: How does the insanity of the landlord directly affect your sister-in-law? Is the landlord her neighbor? What's a barn star? (My first thought was that a barn star is probably a reality singing competition on TNN hosted by Toby Keith and a 2007 Chevy Silverado.) Turns out, they actually are these things:

So I'm not really that concerned with the landlord believing that barn stars are sending signals to the government. Because I have no idea what barn stars actually do. In a way, I kind of would prefer that they send messages to the government. That's a lot more logical to me than arbitrarily putting copper stars on barns. 

As for driving backwards down the road because she thinks her neighbors are Nazi terrorists, well...

First of all: Nazi terrorists? That's a double-whammy. That sounds as scary to me as vegan tofu.

Second of all, if you thought there were Nazi terrorists next to you, you'd totally drive your car in reverse if that's the direction that takes you quickest from the Nazi terrorists. Not to mention: You don't wanna take your eyes off those guys. 

So here's what I think your sister-in-law needs to do, lunarflame17.

Tell the landlady that, yes, the neighbors actually are Nazi terrorists. That very fact has been bringing property values down for years. However, the government is aware of their presence and they've struck a tenuous peace agreement with said Nazi terrorists. How does the government ensure that the Nazi terrorists stay in check?

You guessed it.

Barn stars.

Boom.

That's win-win, son.

I can't believe I don't work for the U.N.