Let's not spin in the comfy chair.
What do these four things potentially have in common?
Maybe I should start at the beginning.
That's the kind of day it's been.
After blowing through six-and-a-half stop signs on my way to work in order to make it to our massive staff meeting on time, I stumbled across some disturbing news.
(No. It's not that the newest Kirk Cameron movie both seems derivative of Ladder 49 and, in fact, exists.)
We found out where all of our blogs rank in regard to how many readers we get.
Mine is in dead last.
Behind Scott Heisel.
Behind guest bloggers.
Behind anyone who accidentally hits the wrong button on their Blogspot page and ends up posting to our site.
It just got me to wondering.
I usually get a ton of comments (if 7=a ton) and the response from everyone I know (my mom) is always really positive.
I feel like I've got a critically acclaimed TV show that gets demolished in the ratings by Two And A Half Men.
So what am I doing wrong?
Do you want more about music?
More swearing?
I'll do it.
Damn. Poop.
See?
Or am I doomed to be cancelled but then do really well later on DVD sales?
Is this whiny?
Undoubtedly, yes.
Yes it is.
But I sincerely wanna know what it is you guys would like to see here.
It's always tricky to figure out what might be interesting to write about.
I sincerely wanna know.
What would you guys like to know about?
I need to get my ratings up.
Have I worn out my cuteness? Should I bring in an adorable younger cousin out of nowhere?
Should I have an episode that's entirely an awkward musical?
Should I have an entire blog that turns out to be a dream?
If you've got a shark, yo, I'll jump it.
posted by Tim Karan at
3:54 PM
17 Comments:
... Free stuff.
I like your blog just as much as all the others, so I guess I'm the wrong "fan" to ask, with little constructive advice. But Im pretty sure free stuff couldn't hurt.
And naked girls.
Actually, you're the only one I read. I don'T really know why. I like how is you're writing, maybe. More music would be good. As long as you continue to make some bad jokes. That makes me laugh a lot!! :p
Like the first two posters, your blog is my favorite (although Jason Pettigrew's cranky rants come in a close second). Maybe that's just because you wrote a blog about the topic I suggested. But in any case, I have absolutely no useful advice for you. After all, my favorite band is the Gathering and my favorite movie is the Matrix Revolutions, so you can tell that I'm not exactly what you'd call "in touch" with what the majority of people like.
we built this city was actually by starship (after jefferson airplane changed their name to jefferson starship changed their name to starship)
and god bless you for not jumping out of a window after hearing that accursed song
I'm sad to hear your blog is ranked last. I actually love yours, and as far what to write, I suggest any more dreams you've had involving you and random rock bands (ie; the aforeposted Every Time I Die entry)-I loved that opening!
well, to get ratings like good morning america, you could give us a step by step diagram of how deformed Micheal Phelps body is, making him a seamonster.
or puppies.
everyone loves puppies.
p.s.
freaks and geeks is quite possibly the greatest tv show ever.
1) You haven't seen a new-school Kirk Cameron movie until you've seen Left Behind (and if you're wondering, yes, I have seen it). In fact, just browse Way of the Master if you haven't already. Then again, you could be a closet Cameron fan (him, not me), and that's why you know about Fireproof.
2) I wonder how much it hurts that you're next to last in the blog list on the front page? Not to blame this on other things, but let's blame this on other things.
3) I have to say the blogs that intrigue me the most are the ones that offer a commentary on something. Maybe you're talking about a news story, a possibly fake news story or just an awkward You Tube video. It doesn't really matter as long as you have something kind of funny to say about it.
4) Don't make people tag your posts as "TL;DR".
5) Know what "TL;DR" means. Knowing internet slang allows you to relate to the kids today.
6) Interactive stuff is always fun. Maybe you could share mp3s of a few songs you've had on repeat lately? Of course, asking questions works too.
7) Maybe it is the picture.
8) Write some controversial stuff. The comments might not be positive, but you'd probably get more page views.
9) In all honesty, it's probably in your best interest to not listen to me. I have four blogs, and no one really reads any of them, so what the hell do I know? I'm only 99 Internet Famous.
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you just need a good campaign like "why read one when you can read them all", "I'm better than that Pettigrew", or "Look at my facial hair". All have good potential.
so good. talk about nothing, you already are, and its great, and it has nothing to do w/ your rugged good-looks, which is more than the rest of these folk can say.
I already told you my thoughts last night, but I wanted to leave a comment anyhow so the Holy AP Powers That Be can know that you have another reader who thinks you rule.
This despite the alarming lack of awkward moments involving boobs and Syn. I blame Cleveland, of course.
xo
I'm even going to try to think up a better response than Cam's, because she pretty much covered everything you were wondering about.
Although I do feel like I should comment with some less-constructive advice. And that’s mostly because this will count as another comment.
It's a good thing that not a lot of people have much to say. Even though this was already mentioned, I do blame your name being near last on the home page. Maybe create a post with an uncomfortable yet appealing title any reader will feel enforced to click. Not helpful? I apologize.
Another thing.
If you ever do get a chance to change your picture, decide to take it while wearing a large colorful costume. This would be to attract readers whose brains only gun it in neutral. Trust me, it works.
*I meant I'm not going to try to think of a better response than Cam's. My mistake.
wow, dead last?
i honestly love reading your blogs,
they're funny, and witty, and interesting. i say you whore yourself.
LAST???
that's just appalling to me. your blog is the BEST, 'nuff said. i just love your writing style, and in all honesty, i dont think you're doing one thing wrong. i always get a smile on my face when i visit the AP homepage and see the title of a new blog under your name. your blogs are incredibly entertaining, and anyone who doesnt think that has no sense of humor.
personally, i dont think you have to change anything.
although, that new picture COULD help just a tad...
Hell, Damn, Fart
I definitely agree with the suggestion to take your picture in a brightly colored costume. Stay away from clowns though- they scare people.
I also don't understand how your blog could be last. As far as I'm concerned it goes:
#1: Tim Karan
#2: Jason Pettigrew
#3: Scott Heisel
and I don't even read the rest of the blogs.
So, yeah, my suggestion is be more contreversial if you can manage and uh............I don't know. I already think your blogs are the most interesting of the bunch. If you did jump a shark though- like literally- you could make a video and post that and that would make a pretty sweet blog. Just sayin.
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