APFFL Week 4: Month Of Sundays

It was quite an emotional week in the AP Fantasy Football League (witty league name still pending). The emotions ran the gamut: Angry, frustrated, jubilant, hungry, forlorn, devastated, apathetic...


I, personally, was so enthralled with my win over Scott Heisel last week, that I almost forgot to set my lineup for this weekend.


Turned out it didn't matter, though (on account of the awesomeness).


I know our art director Christopher checks in just to get the scores, so I'll get right to 'em.


Dandy Van Slykes (101) def. Venice Marmots (78)
The biggest tragedy in this win for me was that I didn't engage in any trash talk with my opponent (Rochester's own) Laura. She's big on using all of the Smack Talk message boards to their fullest extent. And I let her down. I was an absentee owner. I did spend the weekend away from my computer and in Pittsburgh. But that's no excuse. Luckily, my No. 1 pick Steven Jackson finally decided he was, in fact, ready for some football and came alive for the first time this season. The timing was great since Laura's first-rounder Adrian Peterson turned in his best numbers of the year. I'm also kinda impressed that my squad was able to pull out the W with six of my players on bye weeks. So here's some belated trash: You're starting two Buffalo Bills, huh? You do realize punters don't count in fantasy, right?

Team Exitonefiftytwo (83) def. Awesometown Unicorns (63)
Cameron started Tony Romo at QB. Ben started J.T. Irrelevant or whatever his name is from the 49ers. Which team do you think won? If you're anything like me, you'll be shocked to know that Ben managed to squeak by with a 20-point win. It might have had something to do with the fact that Cam started both a kicker and defense who didn't play last week, and Ben net 26 points out of his. It also could be that Tony Romo is imposing too much pressure on himself because he realizes what his failure could eventually lead to.

San Diego Whale Vaginas (97) def. I Hate California (83)
This is the game that took all my hopes and dreams, burned them and buried them in the ground. In the battle between winless teams, AP's Scott Heisel managed to eek out a victory over my girlfriend Katie. That was thanks almost entirely to Jets receiver Laveranues Coles catching 72 touchdowns in one quarter. Seriously, if Coles had posted human wide receiver numbers instead of the twenty-freaking-eight he managed, Katie would have likely won. And now she's informed me that she quits. Thanks, Scott. When I show up at your door when I'm 74 and looking for any human contact to keep me from reflecting on my lonely, loveless life, you better answer. And you better have Oreos.

Rambunctious Coons (123) def. 85 Mafia (72)
While our copy editor Jennifer managed a few more points than her 16 (sixteen) last weekend and turned in a respectable game, she had the misfortune of playing Ronny--who scored an obscene amount of points thanks to a downright unfunny game and 6 (six) TDs from AARP member Brett Favre. That puts Ronny firmly in a tie for first in his division, and it leaves Jen with a perpetual void where her win total should be. Of course, she was a little preoccupied last weekend on account of the whole getting married thing. But the honeymoon's over, Grathwol. Get your head in the game.

Team Marcella (43) def. Cleveland Hasselhoffs (26)
Why oh why couldn't Katie or Jen have played either of these two teams? In what turned out to be the Battle Of Futility, AP's own Zak Bristo managed to lose to a team that doesn't have an owner. If Zak hadn't started two players with bye weeks (Moss and Roy Williams) and one who was out with a bum knee (Parker), he might have had a chance against the ghost team. But, alas, he only mustered a mind-bottling (you heard me) eight points between all his running backs, receivers and tight end. The team that doesn't have an owner is now officially doing better than four teams that do. Perhaps this fantasy football thing isn't really as difficult as we make it out.

Chicago Quails (63) def. Milwaukee Milkmen (54)
Just like everyone predicted the Browns/Bengals game to be a high-flying shootout (ha), this match up between first-place teams ended up being a low-scoring affair. Chris and the Quails didn't get the memo about Carson Palmer not playing but Zach and the Milkmen didn't get the memo about Jerramy Stevens and Pierre Thomas sucking. Still, neither of these guys are in any real jeopardy of losing again until they play each other again.