APFFL Week 7: The Perfect Storm
I don't know what technically delineates a nightmare from a dream.
I assume it's the presence of one or more zombies and/or the lack of pants in a crowded place.
Either way, the other night I woke up in a cold sweat after what I consider to be a recurring nightmare.
For reasons not entirely clear to me, I was supposed to suit up to play a game for the Pittsburgh Steelers. (Even more unclear to me is why I was filling in for George Clooney.) But for the entire duration of the dream, I'm running around the stadium concourse in my uniform (that says Clooney on the back) trying to find my way onto the field. Before I know it, the game ends and I get stuck in the stadium crowd exiting into the parking lot.
What does it all mean?
I think it's obvious: It's time for this week's AP Fantasy Football League wrap-up (also: I am crazy).
I'm gonna keep it a little quick this week on account of I have a zillion things due in the next few days (also: I am crazy).
Dandy Van Slykes (94) def. Milwaukee Milkmen (69)
Whoa. Who saw this one coming? I managed a pretty breezy win over Zach and his otherwise unbeatable Milkmen. Everyone laughed when I drafted the Colts backup running back Dominic Rhodes. But after Joseph Addai went down, opening the door for Rhodes and his 23 points (!) this weekend, who do you suppose is laughing the loudest, most self-satisfied, smug laugh ever? That's right.
Rambunctious Coons (80) def. Venice Marmots (75)
So I'll admit, I haven't been able to be as active of a participant in this league's banter as I would like. I think it's sort of how Tiny Toons was called Steven Spielberg Presents Tiny Toons Adventures. It was like, yeah, maybe Spielberg threw a couple dollars at what seemed like a decent idea, but I kinda doubt he ever showed up for a production meeting. Luckily, Laura and her Marmots have taken on the role of instigator and message board maven in my absence. Unluckily, however, she shoulda played Santana Moss this week and she wouldn't have lost by five points to Ronny.
85 Mafia (99) def. Awesometown Unicorns (42)
Would you look at that. All of a sudden, copy editor Jen looks like a contender. I'm pretty sure she hadn't scored 100 points combined coming into this week, and she nearly got to the century mark in one game alone. She did pick the right week to play Cam--who had five players score zero or negative points. But I'm not gonna tarnish this win for her.
San Diego Whale Vaginas (82) def. Team Marcella (59)
Okay. I'm pretty certain that Heather has taken control of the once "Ghost Team." She's made a couple good moves in the past week or so, but came up just short against Captain Disaster. The saddest part of the story: She had a whopping 62 points sitting on her bench.
Team Exitonefiftytwo (98) def. Cleveland Hasselhoffs (43)
Zak promised me that he'd actually pay attention this week and field the best team of Hasselhoffs possible. Unfortunately, it's difficult to tell if he did. Ben First Place beat him without really ever breaking a sweat.
Chicago Quails (94) def. I Hate California (59)
Chris and the Quails are formidable. There's no doubting that. But if Katie had set her lineup this weekend instead of gallivanting around Disneyland with ghost mice, she would've likely come away with her first victory. In a way, it's too bad that Jen won this week, otherwise we would have had a matchup of the winless this weekend, since she and Katie are up against each other. I, for one, will be glued to my TV.
In the meantime, if you've got any theories on what my Steelers/inadequacy nightmare meant, I'm open to some free dream interpretations...
I assume it's the presence of one or more zombies and/or the lack of pants in a crowded place.
Either way, the other night I woke up in a cold sweat after what I consider to be a recurring nightmare.
For reasons not entirely clear to me, I was supposed to suit up to play a game for the Pittsburgh Steelers. (Even more unclear to me is why I was filling in for George Clooney.) But for the entire duration of the dream, I'm running around the stadium concourse in my uniform (that says Clooney on the back) trying to find my way onto the field. Before I know it, the game ends and I get stuck in the stadium crowd exiting into the parking lot.
What does it all mean?
I think it's obvious: It's time for this week's AP Fantasy Football League wrap-up (also: I am crazy).
I'm gonna keep it a little quick this week on account of I have a zillion things due in the next few days (also: I am crazy).
Dandy Van Slykes (94) def. Milwaukee Milkmen (69)
Whoa. Who saw this one coming? I managed a pretty breezy win over Zach and his otherwise unbeatable Milkmen. Everyone laughed when I drafted the Colts backup running back Dominic Rhodes. But after Joseph Addai went down, opening the door for Rhodes and his 23 points (!) this weekend, who do you suppose is laughing the loudest, most self-satisfied, smug laugh ever? That's right.
Rambunctious Coons (80) def. Venice Marmots (75)
So I'll admit, I haven't been able to be as active of a participant in this league's banter as I would like. I think it's sort of how Tiny Toons was called Steven Spielberg Presents Tiny Toons Adventures. It was like, yeah, maybe Spielberg threw a couple dollars at what seemed like a decent idea, but I kinda doubt he ever showed up for a production meeting. Luckily, Laura and her Marmots have taken on the role of instigator and message board maven in my absence. Unluckily, however, she shoulda played Santana Moss this week and she wouldn't have lost by five points to Ronny.
85 Mafia (99) def. Awesometown Unicorns (42)
Would you look at that. All of a sudden, copy editor Jen looks like a contender. I'm pretty sure she hadn't scored 100 points combined coming into this week, and she nearly got to the century mark in one game alone. She did pick the right week to play Cam--who had five players score zero or negative points. But I'm not gonna tarnish this win for her.
San Diego Whale Vaginas (82) def. Team Marcella (59)
Okay. I'm pretty certain that Heather has taken control of the once "Ghost Team." She's made a couple good moves in the past week or so, but came up just short against Captain Disaster. The saddest part of the story: She had a whopping 62 points sitting on her bench.
Team Exitonefiftytwo (98) def. Cleveland Hasselhoffs (43)
Zak promised me that he'd actually pay attention this week and field the best team of Hasselhoffs possible. Unfortunately, it's difficult to tell if he did. Ben First Place beat him without really ever breaking a sweat.
Chicago Quails (94) def. I Hate California (59)
Chris and the Quails are formidable. There's no doubting that. But if Katie had set her lineup this weekend instead of gallivanting around Disneyland with ghost mice, she would've likely come away with her first victory. In a way, it's too bad that Jen won this week, otherwise we would have had a matchup of the winless this weekend, since she and Katie are up against each other. I, for one, will be glued to my TV.
In the meantime, if you've got any theories on what my Steelers/inadequacy nightmare meant, I'm open to some free dream interpretations...
posted by Tim Karan at
11:01 PM
2 Comments:
Happy to help - in fact, keeping the virtual party going is what keeps me sane during the utter f**kery of my job. It's also obviously made me mentally challenged since I benched Moss. No idea what possessed me? Go on, blame Eli. I know you want to.
Also, the dream is obviously a subconscious fear that you will get shut out of the playoffs by this guy. Take solace though, kid...being Clooney is made of win.
You and I are up against each other this weekend and I think you may win. It could be a battle that is way bigger and more important that anything Voltron ever did.
I don't know about the George Clooney thing... have you been emasuclated recently?
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