APFFL Week 10: A bridge
Today I felt ambitious.
I decided to cook my own lunch.
And by "cook," I mean assemble two peanut butter and jelly sammiches.
This, however, was a last-minute decision as I was scurrying out of my apartment this morning, and it would later come back to haunt me.
Four hours later, as I was halfway through sandwich No. 1, I began to sense that something was off. Apparently, I hadn't made two peanut butter and jelly sammiches. I'd made one peanut butter sandwich and one jelly sandwich. But it was too late to make the switch at that point, leaving me hungry, alone and frightened.
And that was probably the highlight of my day.
So I'm gonna get right to the results of this week's AP Fantasy Football League, however, due to my weakened physical and mental state, I'm gonna give you the abridged version in the only way I know how to abridge anything: Horrible, horrible Haiku.
Dandy Van Slykes (66) def. Exitonefiftytwo (55)
Would you look at that?
Somehow I managed the win.
Thanks, Drew Brees and luck.
San Diego Whale Vaginas (75) def. Awesometown Unicorns (39)
Cam sort of gave up.
Scott's win is kinda empty.
He still gloated hard.
Venice Marmots (120) def. I Hate California (99)
Most other coaches
Would have lost to Kate this week.
Fate frowns upon me.
Milwaukee Milkmen (76) def. 85 Mafia (60)
Brady Quinn was in.
But Jennifer couldn't win.
Read: Republi-can't?
Team Marcella (115) def. Rambunctious Coons (104)
Heather is a force
No longer a haunted team
My cat is a dick. (She won't stop gnawing on my TV right now.)
Chicago Quails (80) def. Cleveland Hasselhoffs (42)
Even with Flacco,
Chris dominated Zak's team.
Where's your Hasselhoff (now)? (Okay, that one was clearly cheating.)
I decided to cook my own lunch.
And by "cook," I mean assemble two peanut butter and jelly sammiches.
This, however, was a last-minute decision as I was scurrying out of my apartment this morning, and it would later come back to haunt me.
Four hours later, as I was halfway through sandwich No. 1, I began to sense that something was off. Apparently, I hadn't made two peanut butter and jelly sammiches. I'd made one peanut butter sandwich and one jelly sandwich. But it was too late to make the switch at that point, leaving me hungry, alone and frightened.
And that was probably the highlight of my day.
So I'm gonna get right to the results of this week's AP Fantasy Football League, however, due to my weakened physical and mental state, I'm gonna give you the abridged version in the only way I know how to abridge anything: Horrible, horrible Haiku.
Dandy Van Slykes (66) def. Exitonefiftytwo (55)
Would you look at that?
Somehow I managed the win.
Thanks, Drew Brees and luck.
San Diego Whale Vaginas (75) def. Awesometown Unicorns (39)
Cam sort of gave up.
Scott's win is kinda empty.
He still gloated hard.
Venice Marmots (120) def. I Hate California (99)
Most other coaches
Would have lost to Kate this week.
Fate frowns upon me.
Milwaukee Milkmen (76) def. 85 Mafia (60)
Brady Quinn was in.
But Jennifer couldn't win.
Read: Republi-can't?
Team Marcella (115) def. Rambunctious Coons (104)
Heather is a force
No longer a haunted team
My cat is a dick. (She won't stop gnawing on my TV right now.)
Chicago Quails (80) def. Cleveland Hasselhoffs (42)
Even with Flacco,
Chris dominated Zak's team.
Where's your Hasselhoff (now)? (Okay, that one was clearly cheating.)
posted by Tim Karan at
9:49 PM
5 Comments:
Tim, I am going on a mission to meet you. You are hilarious. I don't know what im going to do once i do meet you, but I'm sure it will be very super sweet.
Well, you could salvage that by separating the slices of each sandwich, then combine the different ones...
and don't worry, I once microwaved something shiny, and almost blew up the house.
Tim, I've gotta say, you're quite the poet!
It's true; I gave up.
But I'm in England, you know?
Football's diff'rent here.
fate, a fickle bitch
(Clearly Peterson is too)
marmots, high score, what?
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