Taking orders now

In an exercise in unbridled narcissism, and at the probably mistaken urging of several readers, I've decided to market my own line of merchandise.

Just look:

Tim Karan said...
That's it.I'm initiating a limited print run of "Team Tim" t-shirts as we speak.Ooh, instead, I think I might have them say "Team Tim T-Shirt."That's actually the best thing I've ever heard.I'm takin' orders, son.
November 20, 2008 12:55 AM

beener48 said...
sign me up for a "team tim t-shirt."
November 20, 2008 1:55 AM

Canon to a Whisper said...
Sign me up for Team Tim too. Your shirts should mention the fact that you pride yourself on not eating cats.
November 20, 2008 1:58 PM

t0ughd00d said...
Dude! Put me down for a box of those T-shirts..

Thanks to P. Diddy and the bloated, misguided egos of anyone who sells 53 copies of their albums, it's pretty much mandatory these days for musicians to design their own clothing line. I think I might as well get in on this now.

Look, I didn't exactly run this by the AP marketing and merchandising department, so these aren't "officially" "sanctioned" or "legal," but I'm of the Kim Kardashian school of thought that says any publicity is awesome publicity.

The first item, clearly:

I'm thinking about charging something like $14.95 for a short-sleeve, $24.95 for long-sleeve and $253.95 for personally autographed versions.

And just the other day, managing editor Rachel Lux reminded me that we once received a request from a reader for a pillowcase with my picture on it.

Who am I to argue with demand? I'm not an economist.

So:

Who wouldn't want to wake up with my awkward charisma staring back at them? A communist. That's who. And usually my girlfriend.

In the meantime, as I set up the Microsoft Works spreadsheet for the flood of orders I'm gonna inevitably receive, I did some research on merchandising and discovered a couple items that made me think that the pillow case wasn't the weirdest idea out there.

ROCKET FROM THE CRYPT dice

Maybe I don't really understand how you play games with dice. But I do know that if you bust these skull-covered pups at the post-dinner table games this Thanksgiving without warning anyone, your grandma is gonna run into her bedroom and scream uncontrollably for days.

BAD RELIGION mug


There's something slightly ironic about an anarchic, anti-establishment punk band having a coffee mug that will likely reside on the desk of someone who is fully cognizant of the difference between dress shirts that are oxford weave versus broadcloth.

KISS napkin holder

Clearly, there aren't that many items on this planet that don't have a KISS-authorized version (billiards tables, engine degreaser, fax machines, etc...) but I just can't possibly imagine a scenario in which anyone would want these faces staring back at them while eating.

Okay.

So my spreadsheet is up and running.

How many Team Tim items can I put you down for?

Stocking stuffers, people.

Stocking.

Stuffers.

People.