Attractive and misunderstood hands

So I've got good news and bad news.

I'm just gonna come right out and say it.

I think bad news first is the traditional order that these things go.

Ready?

I'm no longer associate editor at Alternative Press.

Since I'm sure there was probably a gap of a couple of minutes after reading that last sentence during which you were sobbing uncontrollably in the fetal position in your bathtub, I'll give you a second to compose yourself.

Here. Maybe this picture of a puppy in a bear(?) costume will help:

Still all sniffles?

Okay, well then maybe I should get to the good news.

Ready?

I'm now the web editor at Alternative Press.

Ha! See? You can't get rid of me that easy.

For those who might have never heard of the internet, it's actually a global system of interconnected computer networks that gives you the ability to say whatever you want without any tangible sense of repercussion.

I'm pretty sure it looks like this:

Or this:

So I know what you're wondering. "What, Tim, does this mean to me? What about everything we've built together? What about all the good times talking about oven explosions and all those afternoons I spent reading about the ridiculous minutiae of your own idiosyncrasies?"

Well, reader.

Those won't be going anywhere. In fact, if you're reading me here on this interweb site, you should get accustomed to doing that even more. From now on, I'm legally required under contract to be no further than 18 inches away from a computator.

I can't get too in depth about any plans we might have for Altpress.com, but I can promise you that now that I'm planning this party, there's gonna be a lot more nachos. Metaphorically speaking and literally. (Not so much literally.)

The first thing any responsible Team Tim members should do is this: Make Altpress.com your homepage. The better we do, the less likely that I'll be fired and roaming the streets screaming at an invisible hippopotamus.

The second thing you can do: Become our friend on MySpace and Facebook and Twitter and anywhere else you can be our platonic soul mate.

And, by the way: I also started up a semi-legit MySpace page of my own so that we can all be even more hyper-aware of what we're all up to. Wanna get in on this? Add my ass. (And listen to the track on my page from Wild Orchid Children. For your own good.)

Cause let's face it: Looks like this internet thing ain't gonna pass. Might as well know the survey results of which Twilight character we all are. And apparently I'm Edward Cullen:

You're Edward Cullen - You have great taste for the finer things in life, a classic style, and you understand the way people work so you can manipulate easily. You have many talents and a bit of a temper, but you are mostly level-headed and rational.

And apparently that's the best possible character you can be. So Altpress.com is in good hands. Good, mysteriously attractive and misunderstood hands...