Divorce? Affairs? Moustaches?
I don't know how much of the lush AP website you've ventured around, but if you look up top there, you'll see a button that says "Mosh Pit."
(Rarely, if ever, does someone step on your shoe when you're just trying to watch Underoath in peace, cause it's not a real mosh pit. It's a message board.)
Since I'm making the shift away from paper products and solely into the realm of world wide webbery, I've been dipping my toes in the Mosh Pit today, and I received a blog request.
DearYou 12-19-2008 @ 8:43 PM reply
Tim, as a blog idea, please write about why "A Year without a Santa Claus" is the best Christmas special ever.
Since I am an editor of the people (and since I'm completely and utterly out of my own ideas), I decided to take Noah (DearYou) up on that.
But I couldn't completely remember the plot to A Year Without Santa Claus. What I did completely remember, though, was that it used to scare the pudding out of me.
Why?
Well, check out my slightly altered blog topic....
3 Christmas Movies (and/or Television Specials) That Scare(d) Me
1. A YEAR WITHOUT SANTA CLAUS
What it's about: A doctor tells Santa that he really oughta consider taking Christmas off this year. A couple of elves run around the world and end up in Southtown, U.S.A., (no relation to the P.O.D. song, I believe...) where Vixen is mistaken for a dog and sent to the pound. For some reason, two sociopaths named Heat Miser and Snow Miser (they actually are related...not to P.O.D., though) get involved and Mrs. Claus puts an end to all the insanity by forming an alliance with Mother Nature and making it snow in Southtown.
Why it's scary: Dude. Look at Heat Miser. Seriously. It's rare that a 1970s claymation Christmas cartoon features Satan.
What it's about: All the kids from the Brady Bunch are grown up and return home for the holidays substantially less cute than they used to be (except for Cindy, who is played by some other actress since the real Cindy apparently had standards). Things aren't so sunny, though, as everyone's got shit going on. Jan's getting divorced, Peter's having an affair with his boss and Bobby quit graduate school to become a race car freaking driver. Then, to top it all off, Mike Brady (the dad) gets trapped in a collapsing building site and has an upsetting moustache.
Why it's scary: Divorce? Affairs? Moustaches? Why can't all these problems be solved by building a house of cards or throwing a football at Marcia's dumb ass? This movie is scary because it suddenly makes you aware of your own mortality. We're all gonna get old and trapped in a building someday.
3. SANTA CLAUS: THE MOVIE
What it's about: A kindly 14th century couple get caught in a blizzard and wake up at the North Pole where they're told they're Mr. and Mrs. Claus and that they'll spend all eternity making toys for kids. Then in present day (1985), one of Santa's elves ends up in Manhattan for some reason and winds up working for a future Enron exec who's trying to create "Christmas II" and corner the market on overwhelming creepiness.
Why it's scary: Aside from John Lithgow and Dudley Moore (pictured) who both make my soul shudder in whatever they are (were) in, the pre-CGI reindeer are a little on the off putting side. But the scariest aspect by far is that this elderly couple wound up enslaved for the whole of all existence. Dude was so close to retiring. Every time I wake up in a snowbank after a night of boozing, there's always a second when I think, "Oh, hell. Am I Santa Claus now?" But then I realize I'm just still drunk.
I feel like I'm forgetting something really obvious. Is there an unintentionally horrifying holiday movie that slipped by me?
(Rarely, if ever, does someone step on your shoe when you're just trying to watch Underoath in peace, cause it's not a real mosh pit. It's a message board.)
Since I'm making the shift away from paper products and solely into the realm of world wide webbery, I've been dipping my toes in the Mosh Pit today, and I received a blog request.
DearYou 12-19-2008 @ 8:43 PM reply
Tim, as a blog idea, please write about why "A Year without a Santa Claus" is the best Christmas special ever.
Since I am an editor of the people (and since I'm completely and utterly out of my own ideas), I decided to take Noah (DearYou) up on that.
But I couldn't completely remember the plot to A Year Without Santa Claus. What I did completely remember, though, was that it used to scare the pudding out of me.
Why?
Well, check out my slightly altered blog topic....
3 Christmas Movies (and/or Television Specials) That Scare(d) Me
1. A YEAR WITHOUT SANTA CLAUS
What it's about: A doctor tells Santa that he really oughta consider taking Christmas off this year. A couple of elves run around the world and end up in Southtown, U.S.A., (no relation to the P.O.D. song, I believe...) where Vixen is mistaken for a dog and sent to the pound. For some reason, two sociopaths named Heat Miser and Snow Miser (they actually are related...not to P.O.D., though) get involved and Mrs. Claus puts an end to all the insanity by forming an alliance with Mother Nature and making it snow in Southtown.
Why it's scary: Dude. Look at Heat Miser. Seriously. It's rare that a 1970s claymation Christmas cartoon features Satan.
2. A VERY BRADY CHRISTMAS
What it's about: All the kids from the Brady Bunch are grown up and return home for the holidays substantially less cute than they used to be (except for Cindy, who is played by some other actress since the real Cindy apparently had standards). Things aren't so sunny, though, as everyone's got shit going on. Jan's getting divorced, Peter's having an affair with his boss and Bobby quit graduate school to become a race car freaking driver. Then, to top it all off, Mike Brady (the dad) gets trapped in a collapsing building site and has an upsetting moustache.
Why it's scary: Divorce? Affairs? Moustaches? Why can't all these problems be solved by building a house of cards or throwing a football at Marcia's dumb ass? This movie is scary because it suddenly makes you aware of your own mortality. We're all gonna get old and trapped in a building someday.
3. SANTA CLAUS: THE MOVIE
What it's about: A kindly 14th century couple get caught in a blizzard and wake up at the North Pole where they're told they're Mr. and Mrs. Claus and that they'll spend all eternity making toys for kids. Then in present day (1985), one of Santa's elves ends up in Manhattan for some reason and winds up working for a future Enron exec who's trying to create "Christmas II" and corner the market on overwhelming creepiness.
Why it's scary: Aside from John Lithgow and Dudley Moore (pictured) who both make my soul shudder in whatever they are (were) in, the pre-CGI reindeer are a little on the off putting side. But the scariest aspect by far is that this elderly couple wound up enslaved for the whole of all existence. Dude was so close to retiring. Every time I wake up in a snowbank after a night of boozing, there's always a second when I think, "Oh, hell. Am I Santa Claus now?" But then I realize I'm just still drunk.
I feel like I'm forgetting something really obvious. Is there an unintentionally horrifying holiday movie that slipped by me?
5 Comments:
Grandma Got Runover By A Reindeer.
(that pretty much says it all, doesn't it?!)
Also, it's filled with SONGS! Songs that are rather catchy and will not leave you for DAYS.
It haunts me all throughout the season.
"I feel like I'm forgetting something really obvious. Is there an unintentionally horrifying holiday movie that slipped by me?"
this is something quite recent, but have you ever seen Bad Santa?
Man, this trashes any holly jolly idea you have of Santa.
If any prententious lady (I say lady generously) has a pre-conceived notion about Santa, then, they should shut * up.
Billy Bob Thornton plays a jaded miscreant who thinks that playing Santa could score him more than presents. And then, I guess, he learns the "true" meaning of Christmas.
It's mildly entertaining, but I would "wish" it amongst A Christmas Story or Home Alone 1 or 2...
(*= THE FUCK..sorry???)
You hate John Lithgow? What kind of person could hate a man who was on 3rd Rock from the Sun?!
Next thing we know, you'll be taking shots at Joseph Gordon-Levitt.
Also, Polar Express is kind of creepy. It's not so much the plotline, though I could do without the creepy disappearing and reappearing (as a new character) Tom Hankses; it's the animation technique. They didn't quite have it down, so everything's just sort of eerie.
I got confused I thought this:
Blogger Jenna Fletcher said...
actually said "Jenna FISCHER" said" and got really excited, because I thought:
1: I can stop buying each episode of the office off of iTunes everyweek.
2: Maybe I can meet the guy that made the super cool theme song.
3: I could be "Nard Dogged".
4: Maybe she can get me an in with "Here comes treble"
5: Maybe she can talk to Will Ferrell who can in turn talk to Vince Vaughan, who can in turn talk to Reese Witherspoon and get me the hook up!
But alas...It's only Jenna Fletcher, I mean no disrespect Miss Fletcher, because for all I know you may just know Reese Witherspoon and cut out steps 1-4.
Although one of life's mysterious will still laid untouched... is David Koechner really that annoying in person? It's things like this that keep me awake at night.
I wish I were Jenna Fischer. For all intents and purposes, Jenna Fletcher is looking pretty lame right now considering that she can't help you with ANY of those numbered wishes.
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