Trendspotting

First of all, I'm aware of the fact that the name of this blog sounds uncomfortably close to a segment you might see on Access Hollywood.

Originally, it dawned on me as a reference to Trainspotting and only after I hustled to my computer and typed it on the screen did its hidden meaning suddenly reveal itself.

But I'm okay with the balance I've struck.

What does any of this have to do with anything you should care at all about?
Oh, reader. So little faith in me.

You might have noticed that in AP 247--the one with the cover featuring Zack Merrick's abs--we published the results of our annual Readers Poll. And if you're an especially astute AltPress.com devotee, you've also noticed that we've posted the unabridged poll in its entirety right here. It's got even more questions, more answers, more quotes and more anti-Metro Station sentiment.

So I put on my CNN political pundit pants and decided to analyze the results a little further than is possibly necessary.

Here are my findings:

Being hated is almost as good as being loved.
One of the biggest gripes we always hear after we publish the poll results has to do with the fact that certain bands are named both the best and worst in certain categories. While I do get why this might stir repressed memories of the 2000 presidential election, it's democracy in razor-banged action. For example: The Academy Is... album Fast Times At Barrington High was a runner-up for Album Of The Year and simultaneously the winner of Most Disappointing Album. But that's only because that's how the votes came in. Still, before you go off feeling sorry for Billy Beckett, there's something to be said for being able to galvanize the masses to two polar extremes. The same goes for Gabe Saporta and Hayley Williams (who both placed as Musician With The Most Style and Musician I'd Hang For Crimes Against Fashion). You can't please all the people all the time, but you can piss off pretty much everyone most of the time for one reason or another. And that ain't not bad either. Not convinced? Ask this guy.

It's a bad time to be even loosely affiliated with the Disney Channel (if you value cred over cash).
It seems a little weird to me to name the Jonas Brothers as the No. 3 Band Who Should Break Up Immediately considering they couldn't break up even if they wanted to--seeing as how they're actually humanoid cyborgs created specifically to trigger the purchasing power in the tween demographic. But the hatred bubbling over for the JoBros (does anyone call them that? I sincerely have no idea and I couldn't be more proud of myself for it) is palpable. Even Metro Station--featuring the brother of Hannah Montana Herself--were named New Artist No One Will Remember This Time Next Year. You might be saying that it has nothing to do with the Cyrus connection. But I've read a ton of the ballots. And lemme tell ya, Metro Station might've placed better fronted by the brother of Raven-Symone.

Edward Cullen should have no trouble getting a date or 93,292,031.
Twilight might've had the most overwhelming victory of the entire poll with its convincing win as Book I Couldn't Put Down This Year. It was kind of nuts. Twilight itself took the top spot without a sweat, then followed by different camps voting for different installments in the series. You have to go down a couple spots before you get to the next most-read book--a little page-turner called The Bible. All I'm sayin' is that the Beatles tread on this ground once, Eddie. And you should probably start doing some volunteering with Meals On Wheels or something.

The readers of my blog, although awesome, apparently don't care for Democracy in razor-banged action.
I love you guys. I really, really do. You're really the only difference between me and the belligerent kid working at Long John Silvers. But damn. In the Most Entertaining AP Staffer Blog category, I didn't even finish near the top four. And there were only six nominees. What's done is done and I'm not gonna harp on it. All I'm sayin' is that if you had a blog, I'd vote for you. Why? Because that's how we are, you and me. Luckily this poll wasn't really a Glengarry Glen Ross situation where second prize is a set of steak knives and third prize is you're fired. But that was just this time... I think it's probably time for me to put some serious thought into becoming a sensitive, disheveled vampire. It's not your fault. I was already kinda weighing my options anyway.