// AP: TENESSENTIAL - Punk-Rock Holiday Records

Punk-Rock Holiday Records

Alternative Press - Rob Ortenzi on 2/28/06 @ 8:05 PM - altpress.com

Selected by Aaron Burgess
Okay, technically, these are 10 Essential Punk-Rock Christmas records, but you try finding 10 similarly themed Hanukkah, Kwanzaa or Festivus discs. Besides, just as punk (ideally) knows no boundaries, neither does seasonal commercialism; so in the spirit of escaping the usual songs we're all bombarded with during this, the most wonderful time of the year, AP presents 10 alternate ways to rock out with your stocking-or menorah, or mkeka, or whatever-out.

CRASS Merry Crassmas EP (CRASS RECORDS,1981)

Arguably the punkest Christmas single ever recorded outside of Fear’s “Fuck Christmas,” Merry Crassmas (credited to C.R.A.S.S., or “Creative Recording and Sound Services”) is a two-sided spear through the eye of holiday commerce, complete with a biting cover collage to drive the point home. Those who originally bought the single, itself an audio collage, were encouraged to write in with their guesses for which Crass songs were on the record, with the “winners” having their stockings stuffed accordingly: “1ST PRIZE... BATHSALTS, 2ND PRIZE... ONE EXPLOITED SINGLE, 3RD PRIZE... TWO EXPLOITED SINGLES.”
CROM-TECH Crom-Tech X-Mas EP (TROUBLEMAN UNLIMITED,1996)

It may be one of the most unlikely holiday records in this month’s 10 Essential, but we couldn’t not include it here, as there’s really no other record-period-that sounds quite like Crom-Tech X-Mas. Originally released as a cassette, and then later reissued on vinyl in an edition of 750, this EP found the Washington, DC, spazzcore duo-half of whose lineup would later co-found the equally spasmodic Orthrelm, before joining the equally obscure Flying Luttenbachers-shredding some of the world’s most treasured Christmas songs into pieces of aluminum confetti.
GOOD CLEAN FUN/THROWDOWN Christmas Split 7-inch (PRIME DIRECTIVE,2004)

Proving that you don’t need eggnog, fruitcake and other enemies of straight edge to get your rocks off at Christmastime, these two hardcore bands-Good Clean Fun already known for their funny side, Throwdown not showing theirs nearly enough-teamed up for what may be the only Christmas-themed hardcore split 7-inch in existence. Of the four songs here, Throwdown’s version of “Jingle Bell Rock” is classic in its awfulness, and Good Clean Fun’s cover of Crucial Youth’s “X Mas Time For The Skins” is, well, the only time anyone’s paid this much attention to Crucial Youth’s “X Mas Time For The Skins.”
LOW Christmas EP (KRANKY,1999)

Sooner or later, we had to get around to a band who took the holidays in earnest; and, luckily for us, on this EP, Minneapolis “slowcore” legends Low were able to rediscover the value in a handful of Christmas songs that’ve long been lost to commercialism. Some of the originals on Christmas are slowly becoming standards of their own-“Just Like Christmas” is one of the happiest and prettiest holiday songs in recent memory-but it’s on the covers of “Little Drummer Boy,” “Silent Night” and “Blue Christmas” where Low’s trademark somber tone doesn’t just suit the songs’ original meaning; it also restores it.
BRIGHT EYES A Christmas Album (SADDLE CREEK,2002)

Obviously, you won’t be scouring brick-and-mortar shops for this web-store-only collection of Christmas traditionals-but you should also think twice before grabbing it off Limewire. Joined by Maria Taylor and a cast of other Nebraska “it” musicians-from Denver Dalley to Stephen Pedersen to Gretta Cohn-Bright Eyes’ Conor Oberst recorded this set with the intent to donate proceeds to the Nebraska AIDS Project. And while funereal aesthetics run deep in Bright Eyes’ oeuvre, the ghostly feel of A Christmas Album makes these songs seem especially poignant after you’ve clicked “Add To Cart” on saddle-creek.com.
THE YOBS The Yobs’ Christmas Album (SAFARI,1980)

While the Boys’ story is one of the sordid fairytales of early British punk, the flipside of the band’s identity-in which they celebrated each Christmas by shifting the “Y” and “B” to opposite ends of their name-is just as colorful. Starting their alter-ego career with the 1977 single “Run Rudolph Run” before following it up a year later with a two-sided take on “Silent Night,” the Yobs made their full-length debut in 1980 with this revved-up collection of holiday tunes. Though their 2001 reunion disc, The Worst Of The Yobs, is easier to find (if no less pointless), The Yobs’ Christmas Album is the holy grail for collectors.
VANDALS Christmas With The Vandals: Oi! To The World (KUNG FU,1996)

Those of you who scoffed at our earlier claims about Crass and Fear no doubt had Oi! To The World in mind when picturing the most punk-rock Christmas record ever, and rightfully so: Predictably high-energy and high-sarcasm, the Vandals’ lone stab at holiday tradition is more cutting than its upbeat, 1-2-3-go! surface lets on. Opening with the subtle “A Gun For Christmas,” it just gets harsher as the band fire up the Yule log for “Grandpa’s Last Christmas” and finally dim the lights to “Hang Myself From The Tree.” Get the 2000 reissue for the abbreviated album title and the bonus orchestral “Overture.”
VARIOUS ARTISTS ZE Christmas Record Reloaded 2004 (ZE,2004)

While most of the bands on this reissue (a collection of Parisian “mutant disco” label ZE Records’ ’80s Christmas compilations) aren’t immediately punk in tone, one listen to James White’s (a.k.a. James Chance) skronking no-wave cut-up “Christmas With Satan” proves the spirit’s there. Luckily for those of us not down with the comp’s more dated-sounding tunes, Tiger Style has since reissued White’s contribution as a 3-inch CD. But seriously, to let a few bum songs keep you from hearing the Waitresses’ accidental hit “Christmas Wrapping”? what kind of Scrooge are you?
VARIOUS ARTISTS A Santa Cause: It’s A Punk Rock Christmas (IMMORTAL,2003)

Not all the records featured here are hopelessly out of print, and none of them packs as much energy into five inches of aluminum as A Santa Cause-the proceeds from which, like Bright Eyes’ Christmas benefit, go toward AIDS research. Unlike that benefit, however, the mood here is almost stupidly upbeat, from the A.K.A.’s’ goofy opening cover of Run-D.M.C.’s “Christmas In Hollis” to From First To Last’s holiday piss-take “X12 Days Of XXXMASX” to Fall Out Boy’s “Yule Shoot Your Eye Out,” and on through the hidden track, Nerf Herder’s recorded-while drunk “Santa’s Got A Mullet.”
VARIOUS ARTISTS Happy Christmas Vol. 4 (TOOTH & NAIL,2005)

Each year brings with it a metric ton of holiday CDs, and from that pile, only a handful end up in rotation a year later. Add to that list Happy Christmas Vol. 4, which, of all the punk-rock holiday comps in recent memory, is the one that (no shocker, given the record label) isn’t ashamed to put the “Christ” in “Christmas.” Whether that’s cool with you ultimately depends on where your spiritual compass points, but from Switchfoot to Anberlin, Emery to Eisley, there’s no denying the level of talent here. Plus, when else are you gonna hear dudes from Underoath and the Starting Line collaborating on a holiday tune?