The List: 8 Tracks To Update The Republican iPod As Posited By Editor In Chief Jason Pettigrew

The Republican Party is often accused of being out of touch with the state of our nation. But cut ‘em some slack: The GOP doesn’t have time to discuss issues because they’re too busy trying to frame this election as a culture war. (Massive props to cultural foot soldier and working-class wonder Lady Lynn Forester De Rothschild for fighting the Democrats’ “elitism.”) So in an effort to make the Republicans look more attractive to the mere handful of young voters who make less than, oh, $250K a year, here’s a playlist to make the McCain-Palin ticket seem far cooler than those Ford truck-driving millionaires singing their glory. —Jason Pettigrew

AGAINST ME! “White People For Peace” from New Wave (2007) John McCain says he expects America to have a post-war presence in Iraq for 100 years. That’s fair: We should have all the oil out by then.

BEN FOLDS “Fired” from Rockin’ The Suburbs (2001) McCain told the planet if he were president, he would fire Securities And Exchange Commission Chairman Christopher Cox for betraying the public trust in light of the massive government bailouts to such corporate behemoths as AIG, Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac. But since Cox’s job is an appointed position, he can stay there as long as he likes. Good thing Charles Keating is unavailable for comment.

THE USED “Liar, Liar (Burn In Hell)” from Lies For The Liars (2007) Karl Rove (the brilliant Republican propagandist who makes Chairman Mao Zedong look like a poseur) told Fox News that McCain’s recent political ads have “gone one step too far, attributing to [Barack] Obama things that are, you know, beyond the 100 percent truth test.” Oh, who cares: Did Rove still get his consulting fee?

THE CLASH “Spanish Bombs” from London Calling (1979) In an interview with a Spanish news outlet, McCain not only forgot where Spain was on the map, he thought the country’s prime minister, Jose Luis Zapatero, was in line with the anti-American leaders of Cuba and Venezuela. Oops. But hey, the song is cool, right?

WARREN ZEVON “Lawyers, Guns And Money” from Excitable Boy (1978) Republicans are all about deregulation. But when it comes to investigations with tedious names (like “Troopergate”) into patriots like the most-righteous Sarah Palin, well, you need to reign that stuff in with the best legal bulldogs out there.

TED LEO/PHARMACISTS “Bomb. Repeat. Bomb.” from Living With The Living (2007) Bill Maher recently told MSNBC’s Rachel Maddow “[Terrorists] don’t hate us for our freedoms; they hate us for our air strikes.” You really think so, Billy? They hate us for our refrigeration capabilities. Ever try to get ice for your Dom P in Kabul, you pinko?

FRANK TURNER “Thatcher Fucked The Kids” from Love, Ire & Song (2008) Leave it to a Brit to remind all the liberal crybabies about how glorious the Reagan years were: The Cold War. Guns for Contras. Being besties with Saddam. Ketchup as a vegetable in our school lunch plans. Good times! R>

THE BRONX “Shitty Future” from The Bronx (2006) Read the papers: It’s already here! Now go slather some extra caviar on your moose burger. We’ll call you when the tanning bed is free. P.S. “Irony is a dead scene.” –The Dillinger Escape Plan