The Classics According to Keith - Space Invaders

Every Time I Die frontman Keith Buckley waxes cinematic on the more important films of our time. Sort of.

SPACED INVADERS (1990)

STARS: Absolutely Nobody.

THE PLOT: Outer space was the Will Smith of the last part of the 20th century: All any uninspired hack writer had to do if he or she were unable to come up with an original movie idea was to put “outer space” in it and sit back while the money rolled in. This official shark jump of the intergalactic craze begins when a spaceship of five aliens with five different accents (one Pakistani, one Austrian, one British, one Californian and—ready for this?—one who talks like Jack Nicholson) is separated from its fleet on a mission to destroy earth. Floating aimlessly through the galaxy, they pick up a radio transmission of Orson Welles’ “War Of The Worlds” being broadcast from a small Illinois town on what just so happens to be Halloween night. Believing it to be an actual report of their fellow aliens’ invasion, they crash their ship to take part in the destruction, but are mistaken for trick-or-treaters. How can they destroy Earth when nobody takes them seriously and the transmission was actually a famous prank? You’d think that would be the point of the movie, but it’s not. Only one lady actually thought they were children in costumes. The point is that a group of gun-toting, middle-American rednecks immediately realize they’re dangerous aliens and try to kill them. Their only hope for survival lies in the town sheriff and his daughter, who vow to get them back to space safely if they promise not to return to destroy our planet. 

THE POINT: Now more than ever I feel it’s time for our country to look back to our history to better understand our future. America now finds itself in a war with no discernible enemy and no end in sight. Thousands of lives have been lost while our country’s true enemy is still out there, slipping further into the recesses of our collective memory with every passing day. Had we only taken heed of the prophecies revealed in Spaced Invaders over a decade ago, we would see that Jack Nicholson is a threat to our freedom and must be destroyed. Only then can we truly know peace.