11 things parents just don’t understand about your music (and how to explain them)

The battle over music between the young and the old is nothing new. And even though we’re far removed from the late ’50s when rock ’n’ roll was considered “the devil’s music” and Elvis’ hip-shaking was downright sinful, music—whether it be punk rock, hardcore or metal—still causes some parents to raise an eyebrow. Here are 11 questions your parents probably have about your music—and the responses you can give them so they better understand this part of your life. You may be tempted to roll your eyes and proclaim, “Mom and Dad, you just don’t get it,” but you might want to take our advice. After all, Warped Tour is only a few months away, and it will be much easier to get an extra $20 out of your parents if you reassure them you aren’t going to some pot-smoking, mud-throwing lovefest.

Questions: Brittany Moseley
Answers: Cassie Whitt

What's with all the makeup? He’s such a handsome young man. Why does he want to cover up his face? Does he have an acne problem? Rosacea? Eczema?
As a wee Skrillex once sang, “I refuse to meet the world without smearing on makeup/With my hair blinding my eyes.” In From First To Last’s “Waltz Moore,” he admitted his makeup wearing was a cry for help from a lack of self-confidence, but that’s the extreme. Most people just do it because it looks cool or it adheres to an image and environment they want to create with their music. Even so, most top performers wear at least a little bit of makeup onstage so that their features are not washed-out by the harsh lighting.

Why is your music so loud? If you don’t turn it down, you’re going to go deaf by the time you’re 30.
Explain to your parents, “Plugged-in music was an artistic innovation when Bob Dylan did it way back in the ’60s. I’m just fully appreciating the advancement of recording technologies that allow me to listen to music this loud without blowing out the speakers.”

Why is he screaming? Is he angry? What's the point of singing if you can't understand what the person is actually saying?
Politely offering your mother or father a lyric booklet can be a good move when faced with this question (“see, he is saying words!”)–that is, if the artist’s lyrics are parent friendly. That won’t always be the case, so you can take the educational approach. Explain guttural vocalizations. Growls, screams, squeals and grunts are a practiced talent. Developing a screaming technique that doesn’t shred one’s vocal cords is an acquired skill (and taste, for most). Those who practice it don’t have naturally demonic-sounding voices, but have trained themselves to make those sounds. “Isn’t it cool that the human body can do that, Ma?” Show them a video of the same vocalist talking (about nice things­–and smiling, preferably). That should quell any concerns that they aren’t human.

What is the Warp Tour? There are going to be drugs, alcohol and promiscuous teenagers there. Don’t you lie to me, young lady! I know things! I remember Woodstock!
Vans Warped Tour is a long-running touring music festival that, unlike most of the fests that set up shop in one location for a few days, doesn’t give you time to fill your day with debauchery; you’ll be too busy running from stage to stage catching all your favorite bands. There are going to be people doing things that are “morally questionable” to parents no matter where you go, but with security measures taken by both the tour and the venues, the “threat” is lessened greatly at Warped. Point out the philanthropic nature of Warped Tour by telling your folks about the many nonprofits that have been represented on the tour (Keep A Breast, Feed Our Children Now!, Music Saves Lives). Tell your parents you want to donate canned goods there. When they see the good Warped focuses on, they’re likely to realize, “Oh, my kid isn’t going to WarpYerBrainDrugFest.” And if they’re still super-concerned, it has been Warped policy in the past to let parents in for free. They have a Reverse Daycare area where your ’rents can sit in the shade while you run free.

Who is this Kellin Austin Radke person you talk about all the time?
On second thought, you might not want to explain Ronnie Radke to your parents if they’re worried about the music you listen to. “He’s a, um, father. Yeah, he has a daughter. Neat, huh?” Eek. >>>

Why don’t you play nice music? I just don’t understand why you want to listen to this alternative music. You know who plays nice music? Bruno Mars. Everyone loves Bruno Mars. He seems like a nice young man.
“Stand up/You have a voice to be heard/You're worth more than words/So let your fire burn.” What exactly, Mom, is not nice about those lyrics from We Came As Romans? I mean, that’s a pretty nice sentiment if you ask most people—even when roared viciously over a breakdown.

They still make vinyl records?
“Yes, they do. Do you still have your old record player? I’d love to see your collection; I really want to start my own!” Make it a bonding experience. At the end of the day, your parents may not understand your music (or style, or unbridled lust for eyeliner-wearing boys), but they will always look for a chance to be a part of your life. Make collecting vinyl a tiny part of your life you let your parents in on. Bond with them over it. You may not actually care to hear the story of how they found that classic Beatles record at a long-closed record store, but let them tell it. Show them they have something in common with you.

Why do you all run into each other on purpose at concerts? You’re going to break a bone or get a concussion. And don’t call me when you end up in the hospital!
If your parents are telling you to not call them when you end up in the hospital, they’re lying their faces off. So, if someone dropkicks you at your next hardcore show and you end up in the ER, please do call them. And explain that though violent looking, moshing is a form of expression and dance. It also does not come without etiquette. If someone falls down, show protocol is to pick them up. If someone is being a complete idiot, show protocol is to inform security. People who actually want to inflict real damage on others don’t fare well in the pit. We look out for our own.

What does emo mean?
Does anyone have an indisputable answer to this question? Tell your parents that its meaning is up for debate, but that generally it is classification for a broad range of music. (So broad that, really, it’s truly meaningless.) Just make sure they’re not reading U.K. tabloid pieces from 2006 and 2007 that used the word as a scapegoat, tying it and associated bands ignorantly to mental illness and teen suicide.

Is this music evil? Do they worship the devil like that Marilyn Manson fella?
Oh, man. We could really go into some anti-theist ignorance slamming on this one. You could give them the specifics of Satanism and educate them that it’s not a literal worship of the devil that entails ritual sacrifice, but usually people who have religious reasons to dislike something aren’t exactly information sponges. Instead, just attempt to educate your parents on what the band’s message actually is and what you take away from it. Religious or not, caring parents just want to be sure you’re surrounded by things that are impacting your life positively.

Why would you get a tattoo on your neck? What’s going to happen when all these guys with neck tattoos realize music isn’t a smart career choice, and then they try to get a real job? I’ll tell you what’s going to happen: They’ll be asking “Would you like fries with that?”
It’s 2014. Come on. Though your parents may harbor some unfounded deep resentment for the inked pigment of someone’s skin, many people don’t. Of course, certain workplaces still hold a person’s body modifications against them, but does it matter in the end? To get tattooed was a personal choice that has no negative effect on anyone but the person who made that choice. And, hey, they can think of it as a creative motivator. A neck tattoo means you better be the best musician possible and keep making music, or else. It may not be a “smart career choice” for many people, but it’s the one they wanted to pursue. Let them. It’s not like you’re going to go out and do the same tomorrow. Well, maybe. Are you? Then just leave that part out and wear turtlenecks at family gatherings. ALT