After over a year spent speculating what it may bring for us, we’re finally getting news on the 10th installment of American Horror Story. As confirmed by Ryan Murphy, the next season is titled Double Feature and will follow two storylines, “One by the sea, one by the sand…”
If the Instagram announcement gave you some weird “You Be The Anchor…” vibes, then your head is in the right place. Looking back on the show and all its dark, quirky themes and edgy quotes, we can’t help but be reminded of a little thing called emo music. In fact, we’re downright heartbroken that AHS wasn’t around for the days when artists constantly pulled lines from movies and TV into their song titles. It’s incredible how well they’d fit.
Here are 10 of the best quotes from American Horror Story that would make perfect emo song titles.
“And you’re a dried-up, old Hot Pocket, but I don’t judge.” –Madison Montgomery
If there was ever an American Horror Story character who best epitomized classic emo flippancy, it’s Madison Montgomery. Emma Roberts‘ iconic Coven character exuded angsty wit, but this quote in particular has a casual factor that would make it feel at home on any 2000s Fall Out Boy tracklist. We’d hate to be the person this song title is about.
“All monsters are human.” –Sister Jude
It’s no wonder that this iconic Sister Jude quote has already titled a few works, including K. Michelle‘s 2020 album, since Jessica Lange first delivered the line during the Asylum premiere in 2012. We’re just sorry that it came too late for the 2000s emo wave. We have no doubt that the scene would have eaten up such morbid profundity.
“Purple is for royalty, dear, not middle management.” –Myrtle Snow
Ouch? This cheeky jab feels like it could have been pulled right off Panic! At The Disco‘s A Fever You Can’t Sweat Out. And that’s especially fitting, seeing as Frances Conroy‘s Coven character, Myrtle Snow, breathes the same air of eccentricity that the band are known for. We won’t typecast this one, though. It would feel just at home in any hardcore or indie facets of emo as well.
“Dead people can’t vote, except in Chicago.” –Kai Anderson
What’s an emo discography without some sardonic social or political commentary? Really, that’s precisely where the genre and AHS overlap… You know, in addition to the dark and despondent imagery. What really sells us on this particular quote, though, is the Chicago reference. It genuinely couldn’t be more perfect. If Evan Peters‘ Cult character wasn’t such a demented, egotistical creep, he may have fit into the scene quite nicely.
“I see you finally got that makeover. Guess you figured you could make over a little history, too.” –Queenie
You remember those emo song titles that are just so specific that you know they have to be pointed at someone? Yeah, Queenie‘s got some of the best quotes for that purpose. Gabourey Sidibe‘s AHS debut in Coven was ripe with some scathing, perfectly targeted lines. Gotta say, this one feels like it belongs in a Mayday Parade album right next to “I’d Hate To Be You When People Find Out What This Song Is About.”
“Oh, honey. Goddesses don’t speak in whispers. They scream.” –The Countess
We all knew that we were going to be in for some iconic lines when we found out that Lady Gaga would have a part in American Horror Story: Hotel. Who could ever expect a quote of this caliber, though? Not only is it one of the most recognizable quotes from the show, but it has the ultimate potential to be a tongue-in-cheek screamo song title. Someone get Saosin on the phone, we have something to pitch…
“I’m tough, but I’m no cookie.” –Lana Winters
Honestly, we’re not sure that this quote Sarah Paulson delivered in Asylum hasn’t been used before… It would have to be the title of one of the most heart-wrenching songs of all time, though, right? Dish out serious content and slap an overly casual title on it—that’s just the emo way.
“Joy tastes like strawberries. Hate is like ice chips in a martini.” –The Countess
Again with The Countess hitting us with lines that we’ll never forget. This poetic description of basic emotions is so visceral that it might even pass for song lyrics. That said, we’d like to see it titling a totally angst-ridden emo ballad. Do you think that Go Radio have ever considered adopting an alternate title for “Go To Hell“?
“Dear Diary, my soul plumbs new depths of despair…” –Dot Tattler
What’s emo songwriting if not navigation of one’s innermost turmoil? Might as well just be forthright with it… No lie, Dot and Bette‘s “Dear Diary” monologues in Freak Show would make for one hell of a haunting song intro. But we’d be happy just to see this deeply despondent quote used even in the simplest way.
“I hate you! I hate you! I hate you! I hate you! I hate you!” –Dandy Mott
Dandy Mott may have been the most insufferable character (and among the best villains) to ever appear on AHS. However, that doesn’t mean his childlike tantrums aren’t totally quotable. This one’s pretty much as simple as they come, but you can’t say it doesn’t capture the energy of most emo songs. If you don’t believe us, AFI have been more or less singing the mantra for the better part of two decades before Freak Show aired.
Which American Horror Story quotes do you think would make perfect emo song titles? Drop them in the comments!