SPENCER CHARNAS
[Photo: Tina Korhonen]

In AP 376, we had Spencer Charnas of Ice Nine Kills wax ecstatically about horror films, personal vengeance and bloody things while waging a one-man war against…wait, cilantro?

THE PERFECT VILLAIN.

Describing the perfect villain? Or picking an existing one? I would say Billy Loomis from Scream. He embodies all of the traits of a good psychopath. You know, he’s handsome and crude, but he had a plan, and he was able to carry it out, and he nearly got away with it. Either him or Patrick Bateman from American Psycho. That one’s really interesting because at the end of the book and the movie, you don’t really know if he actually did any other killing. Leaves it up to interpretation.

WHAT YOU’RE AFRAID OF.

Not being afraid. I’ve seen so many horror films that I’m so desensitized to it. I don’t really find too much that scares me anymore. So I think that my greatest fear is not being afraid of something. I mean, there are fears, but I think that’s my great fear. I remember being a kid and watching these horror movies that I love so much, and I don’t really get that feeling anymore. I’m afraid to never have that feeling again because it’s one of my favorite emotions.

Read more: Ice Nine Kills turns “Stacy’s Mom” into a rib-splitting ‘Friday The 13th’ parody

Oh, and cilantro. I’m very afraid of cilantro. People tell me, “You must have those genetics where it makes it taste like soap.” I like the taste of soap. Everybody puts it in everything now: I have to order my coffee without cilantro. If I’m getting a pair of socks, I have to get them with no cilantro in them. I don’t know what’s going on with this craze, but it’s got to stop.

BOOKS OR SCREENS.

I love books. We [were inspired by] a number of my favorite books for 2015’s Every Trick In The Book. But I do prefer film over literature. I think I’ve always had a desire to be a filmmaker and not necessarily an author. When I’m watching a film, it inspires me to create my own films, whereas when I’m reading a good book, I just enjoy the books that inspire me to be an author. Film is definitely something that I’m very interested in pursuing in the future, with respect to a guy like Rob Zombie who’s able to be in a band, create music and also direct.

YOUR WORST HABIT.

I’m trying my hardest to not text and drive.

THE ONE THING YOU WISH YOU HAD THOUGHT OF.

I was at Verizon the other day, and they said I had to get a cover for my phone. And they said they only had the privacy ones. It just got me thinking about what a brilliant invention that was [so] people can’t peer over your shoulder. You know, I’m on a train, and I can’t look at the photos that you’re looking at or whatever. I wish I’d thought of that. That or the Chia Pet.

 DISCUSS YOUR LAST RAGE.

I’m a big fan of socks. Putting on socks after a nice day or, after a sweaty performance, taking a shower [and] putting on a nice pair of socks. On our last European tour, I lost my favorite pair of socks. It threw me into a rage, and I haven’t recovered emotionally. They’re somewhere in Germany right now, [and] whoever took my socks, I will find you, and I will get retribution. That much I vow to you if you are reading this.

WHAT OR WHO YOU’RE TIRED OF.

Definitely cilantro. That, and celebrity bullshit I see on Twitter about Justin Bieber’s marriage or the most infinitesimal details about celebrities that I just don’t give a shit about. Whenever I see that, I just want to throw my phone out the window.

THE HORROR MOVIE FRANCHISE YOU’D LIKE TO BE IN.

It’s a difficult one. So many great ones. I guess I would have to choose Halloween because that one really set the tone for the slasher genre, and it’s probably the most important one of the bunch. Michael Myers set the stage for Jason [Friday The 13th] and Freddy Krueger and Scream down the line. If I could get killed by Michael Myers, I could die happy. Twice. [Laughs.]

THE THING YOU WOULD PAY PEOPLE TO DO FOR YOU IF MONEY WERE NO OBJECT.

I think the sign that you’ve made it where money is no object is having a 24/7 omelet chef on call. I’m a huge fan of eggs, and I’ve always dreamt of the day where we could bring an omelet chef out on the road with us out and just have them preparing eggs all day. A good Western omelet is fantastic. As long as you leave out the cilantro.

WE JUST GAVE YOU $50. WHERE ARE YOU SPENDING IT?

This place in Beverly, Massachusetts, called Nick’s Roast Beef. They make a roast beef sandwich called the Three-Way, which is only available in the north shores of Boston. It’s rare roast beef, cheese, mayo and barbecue sauce on a sesame bun. It’s just the best sandwich in the world. And I think I’d just buy 50 bucks worth of roast beef sandwiches. And I’d probably pay 50 bucks never to see cilantro ever again.