On The Road Again: You Blew It!, Part Three

Orlando, Florida's YOU BLEW IT! (Topshelf Records) just wrapped up a tour of the US as well as a stint at SXSW and has been sending us updates from the road whenever they can find Internet access. Here's the third and final entry. These updates are a collaboration between guitarist/vocalist Tanner Jones and drummer Tim Flynn. The band's Topshelf debut Grow Up, Dude is due out Apr. 24.

Day 12: Day off
Woke up today to a phone call from the mechanic. Van’s fine. Apparently someone put a spark plug in wrong and it burned a hole in a pretty important spot. Turned out to be a $100 mistake. Fuck.

Here’s what the rest of the day looked like: Driving. Driving. Driving. Driving. Driving. Who farted? Driving. Driving. Driving. Driving. Driving. Driving. My mom got us a hotel in Ft. Worth, Texas. She’s the best.

People mostly just asked us where to get the free pickles.

Day 13: Austin, TX  (SXSW Day 1)
Thought: South by Southwest is a pretty fitting name considering its location, but I think a more appropriate name would be something like Where Do I Park My Van? or Thank God We Didn’t Bring A Trailer or Hey Dude I Was Wondering if You Can You Get Me Into the Early November Showcase for Free? All of those would be better, I think.

Anyways, the Topshelf Showcase was today. It was so, so, so rad. Nick and I ate way too many Grillo’s Pickles, and Tim just kept telling us they were gross. Andy was probably somewhere talking about guitar tones. Former Thieves, Jack & Ace, Code Orange Kids, Pswingset, Look Mexico, A Great Big Pile of Leaves, to name a few, killed it too. We played around 8:30 to a crowd way bigger than we would ever have expected. The set went really, really well. Andy played a TON of pinch harmonics. I’m not sure if it’s known by anyone other than Weak Teeth and a group of dudes in Orlando, but we usually play a cover of “King of the Road” by Piebald for some of the people that don’t really know/like our music that well. We’ve been playing it for about a year now, and honestly we’ve probably killed the song just like everyone and their sister killed the “Shit _______s Say” videos, so we were pretty eager to see this thing off. We didn’t plan on playing it this tour, but a couple days into tour we realized that Travis Shettel was opening up the Topshelf showcase. I know that we should have played the totally unimpressed guys in a rock band card, but man, we kind of freaked out. I’m pretty sure I pranced around when Tim told me. Way giddy and brimming with prepubescent giggles, Tim was able to suppress it long enough to coax Travis into singing the cover for us. He said yes. I pranced again.

I should say that people singing along to our own songs was the highlight of that show for me, and it absolutely would have been, but man, we got to be Piebald for roughly three minutes. I messed up the intro though. I never mess up the intro. UGGGGGH. Nerves.

Joking aside, the showcase was incredible. I don’t think I can really express how happy we are to be able to call all of these bands family. These are bands that we were listening to before You Blew It! even got off the ground, and now I get to text them emotobutts (short for “emoticon butts,” it’s going to be a thing. It started here. Write it down.). If this band were to break up the second we finish this tour, I’d be proud to say we made it here. No joke.  (__Y__) Emotobutt.

Day 14: Austin, TX (SXSW Day 2. Day off)
We couldn’t find a showcase to play today. Man, this week’s diary is going to be booorrrrring. We tried getting on the Count Your Lucky Stars Showcase, but Keith wouldn’t let us on because we weren’t a CYLS band or something like that. Dumb, right? Real dumb. I told him that we were boycotting it.

We went to the CYLS showcase at Mellow Mushroom today and it was so cool. Dowsing is the nicest and best band. Innards blew my face off (and the pizza guy was singing along too. He was tossing dough and singing at the same time. Someone give that guy a raise). Two Knights and Empire Empire were somehow way better than the last time I saw them. Weird.

Jack & Ace (Bob Nanna) played this showcase too, and I finally worked up the perfect thing to say to him. His clean tone was incredible considering the kind of guitar he playing, and I was planning the perfect cool guy thing to say to him the entire show. “Hey Bob, that SG’s clean sounds incredible. Really, really great set.” Boom, got it. Their set ended, and as he was breaking down I approached his side of the stage, and I opened my mouth to say what I was totally capable of saying. “Hey Bob, your uh…your um…the…uh, SG. Your SG’s tone doesn’t sound like…I mean…it sounds…it’s not muddy…I like that. Good stet..er, set.” I fucking said “stet.” Tim, Nick, and Andy thought it was hilarious. I woke up that day a man, and went to sleep a babbling child.

Cool shoes

Day 15: Austin, TX (SXSW Day 3)
Austin is hot. I packed way too many long pants. I guess that’s the price you pay to look 100% rock ‘n’ roll 100% of the time. Some people say that pimpin’ ain’t easy, but punkin’ has to be way tougher. It’s way more constricting in the upper thigh area. That’s a fact.

Speaking of fashion, Andy has these shoes that he’s pretty self-conscious about. Every night, as a courtesy to the house and us, he’s been putting them on the porch where theoretically the smell should bother no one. What Andy didn’t know, though, is that Austin is full of goddamn shoe thieves, apparently. Barefoot Andy and we had to start the day off at Urban Outfitters so he could buy the whitest $15 shoes you’ve ever seen. Flashy Andy looked like a walking Miami Vice. Fly.

We were lucky enough to play two showcases today, both of them with Former Thieves and Code Orange Kids again. Brutal. The first one was behind Emo’s at a place called The Collective. We saw a ton of cool bands (Innards and Jowls, especially) and met a ton of people, but I’m an idiot and I forgot their names. The second showcase was weiiiird. We got added on last minute, and All Pigs Must Die was the headliner. If I told you we fit in, I’d be the dirtiest fucking liar and your parents would probably tell you not to hang out with me (please hang out with me). With your fingers, guess how many people watched us. Wait, don’t move. Yeah, you’ve got it. Zero. Zero people. Well, a couple patted me on the back on the way outside, but the sound of growls and pinch harmonics bled through, and I couldn’t tell if they actually liked it or just thought it was cute. We thanked the promoter and loaded out to see Nick getting all mother bear (those are the aggressive ones, right?) on some guy that was getting way too close to our gear. The promoter was charging $10 for admission, so we figured the last thing we should do is ask if we could get $20 for gas. Doesn’t hurt to ask, right? I guess that’s wrong. Homie got moody and told us that our compensation was being able to play. Which IS true, but what I don’t think that guy understood is that we left an Owen set after 2 songs to make it to his club. Does he know who Mike Kinsella is? I don’t think he does. Get hip, dude.

We caught Look Mexico and A Great Big Pile Of Leaves at Mellow Mushroom and honestly they made the night. Tim and I were babies and went to bed. Andy and Nick went to a Narrows and Darkest Hour bridge show with those Code Orange Kids. From what I hear it was either drunk or devastatingly brutal. It was probably both, actually. Cops shut down the show just as Darkest Hour was setting up and Andy was heartbroken. Big guy had a rough day.

Mike Kinsella was nice enough to let Nick take a photo of him from across the room.

Day 16: Austin, TX (SXSW Day 4)
LAST DAY IN AUSTIN YOU GUYS. I had been waiting for this. There was a free Braid/Hot Water Music show at noon and it was awesome. Wait, no, we slept through it. If you wanted to confiscate our emo and punk cards, I don’t think anyone would say anything. Not even us. We just committed a cardNANNAl sin (Get it? Can I have my emo card back now? Please? Guys?).

Struggling with our new life as poseurs, we parked the van and headed into SXSW. We hunted down our Florida bros in Fake Problems, and in between Derek Perry making fun of us for not being as much of a suit as he is, a spot on the Mightier Than Sword showcase opened up and we jumped on it like Kanye West on Taylor Swift’s acceptance speech (that pop culture reference is still relevant, right guys? No? Oh).

Fifteen minutes later, and we’re across town, stressing out about trying to set up and play in the allotted time. There were tons of cool people here. I don’t really know whom exactly, but you could just tell. They had real big eyeglasses, swanky haircuts, real sour attitude exteriors, and toms. These guys were even too cool for beards. Mansions saw how all-over-the-place we were, and they let us use their gear. They were super nice guys. I feel really bad that we had to represent such great equipment with such a horrible set. It was bad, you guys. My voice cracked, we played everything too fast, and we started a song before Andy was even done tuning his guitar. The sound guy even fell asleep. Some nice people said it went well, but they were just being polite. At least we got to play. Also, we were mainly glad that we could catch the worldwide premiere of I S UR D. Former Thieves’ tour mama Diane Garcia felt bad and bought some of us big beers. They were freezing cold.

16 freezing ounces later, Lukas Hodge and Topshelf daddy Kevin Duquette stood us on a hill and took promos with the new line up, then they told us to roll down it “because it’d be funny.” It wasn’t. Well, I guess it might have been, in a “they just downed a ton of cold pity beer and now they look even fatter and I bet it would hurt if they rolled down this hill” kind of way. Maybe that kind of humor is just way too sophisticated for me.

Itchy and bloated, we ended up at Mellow Mushroom watching our fellow Floridians Little High Little Low playing 2 of 6 on our showcase. Real solid mellow jams. Luckily enough, we got to play with our guys in Pswingset one last time too. Their sets always make me wish that I wrote those songs. They are seriously one of the best bands. Our set time rolls around, and we put on really awesome neon Fleshlight sunglasses (SXSW RULES) and talked in Jersey accents. I think I heard Kevin say, “Tanner is so cool in sunglasses.” I don’t know why we don’t do that all the time.

I think they spelled “flashlight” wrong.

For Tim’s birthday and as a gesture of goodbye, Jordan Welker of Pswingset had us over for some drinks. It was a real star-studded event, you guys. Topshelf Records, Cherry Cola Champions, It’s A Kling Thing, all in one house, drinking way too much. Pugs, too (they weren’t drinking though).

So, one thing you learn after being a designated driver more than a couple times is that you want to be a babysitter, not a parent. By this, I mean you’ve got to be that cool peer that allows them to do cool shit, like light off $15 mortar fireworks at 3:30 a.m. Well, I did that. Four mortars and thousands of giggles later, the cops roll up. They’re driving reeeal slow, so we picked up the fireworks and scurried inside trying to avoid any fines that come with being college kids with small explosives. Minutes later, there’s a knock on the window. It’s the Austin Police Department and they want us to come outside with our hands up. This has to be a joke. Except that it wasn’t. We walked outside to the real serious background cops from the Bad Boys films (the ones that always get mad when Will Smith and Martin Lawrence curse and blow things up. Nerds). At least ten of them were surrounding us. They had shotguns and rifles and pistols. One of them told us to put our “fucking faces in the dirt or else he’d make us do it.” I laughed and front flip kicked the gun out of his dumb hands and said “who’s the boss now?” I didn’t do that. I buried my face in the dirt. Action Cop 3.0 asked us where the gun was, but I think before too long he realized that we were just drunk punks with fireworks. After a couple of frightened “NO THEY WERE JUST FIREWORKS,” we were on our feet. The cops ended up being real understanding, nice guys. Turns out they thought we were packing some pretty serious heat. We all collectively sighed in relief, and then Tim shot a mortar out of the palm of his hand and walked away slowly as it exploded in the distance. He didn’t do that. We went home and shuddered ourselves to sleep.

Day 17: Lafayette, LA
I think we started out the day wrong. Actually, I know we did. Tim is going to read this and he’s going to look at me and call me a baby or an idiot or something, but I don’t care. Curly fries are not a good breakfast decision. My stomach felt like the storm scene from Master and Commander except Russell Crowe wasn’t there to make any heroic decisions, and no one was cheering.

Even without that dragging us down, the drive through Texas was miserable. That state is gigantic and there’s nothing in it but blades of grass and nothing. Don’t get me wrong, I’m all for leaving a ton of land open for wildlife and scenery. I’m behind that. But come on and get creative, Texas. Look, just put some of those fire breathing, car crushing, monster truck rally dinosaurs out in the distance somewhere. I know you’re into that kind of stuff. Have one crushing a Tercel or breathing blue flames every 50 miles or something. You could even have it say something like “THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU DON’T WEAR YOUR SEAT BELT.” I’d turn down Fall Out Boy for that, and I never do that for anything. I’d definitely wear my seat belt for the rest of my life no matter what. Two birds, one stone.

We finally got to Lafayette, and pulled up to a pretty satisfying crowd of people sitting outside. Usually we’re waiting for the people to show up, not the other way around. My man Adrian “Jerry Beans” was stressing out over it, but he shouldn’t have been. That show went really well. It was a house show, but we played in the backyard and no one even said anything. That never happens. I talked to some people about how they were born in 1996, and then they called us old. I don’t get it. It’s just hard for me to wrap my head around anything that’s younger than Wayne Gretzky’s 3D Hockey and coming out to house shows I guess. Nice kids though.

Nick, Tim, and Andy had a really great night I think. The dudes in Shark Bait took us out to this place called Raising Cane’s. Apparently they have really good chicken. If Tim and Andy’s primal swallowing sounds were communicating anything, I’d assume it would be how tasty the food was. I just ate greasy fries and toast like the seriously health-conscious vegetarian I am.

Also I guess it’s worth mentioning that it had been a whole year since a girl tore a buffalo head off of our wall, and we got angry enough to write a song about it. Now people make fun of the way I sing “pick fiiieeeeeghts.” We’re artists, you guys.

Day 18: Tallahassee, FL
FLORIDAAAAAA. We’ve all missed Florida. Pretty badly, actually. Eager to get back, we woke up early to get on the road around 8 a.m. I don’t care what you say dad, that’s early. We’re in college; we’re not supposed to be able to form a coherent thought before 11:30 a.m. That’s just science. Most of the rest of the day was spent driving over marshes and Andy and I complaining about how we never saw one alligator. Not one.

About an hour and a half shy of Tallahassee, we stopped by Tim’s dad’s place out in the middle of nowhere. It was basically Toursgiving (that’s a good pun, right?). Tim’s stepmom cooked us tons of casserole, potatoes, and rolls. You know, the good stuff. They took some pictures of us with a 3D space phone.

We got to Tallahassee around 8, a song or two into Little League’s set. Man, that show was as stacked as the New York Knicks. This new band called Echo Base played right before us, and Send Away Stranger afterwards. I wish I had something funny to say, but fuck, I can’t say enough good things about any of those bands. Everything ended pretty early, and I scrambled around trying to find Internet to finish some quizzes for school. School work is clearly the epitome of rock ‘n’ roll. I think some girl was showing her boobs somewhere too. She was either really drunk or thought that we were Motley Crue. Sometimes I get confused about that, too.

I had class in the morning, and the guys were nice enough to agree to drive back through the night. We were all pretty homesick anyway. That’s the odd thing about tour, though. When you’re out for more than a week, you crave the niceties of the life at home. You begin to miss all the constants that characterize it. You miss your relationships, normal schedules, showers, washers and driers, food in a pantry, normal responsibilities, et cetera. I can speak for us all when I say we’re so happy to be home. The transition is always a little bit awkward, but it’s comforting to know that we have a bed and friends around. I can say for sure though, that a week from now, we’re going to start squirming, and that craving for tour is going to creep back in. Maybe it’s something we’ll all grow out of with age, but there’s something blatantly unique about tour that nothing can ever replicate. This one in particular speaks for itself. We hit some of our lowest lows and some of our highest highs on the road this time. I can’t remember a time I was more devastated than when we were broken down in the middle of nowhere, Missouri at 1 a.m. I can’t remember a time I was happier than when we played to a basement packed with singing kids in Bloomington, IN either. In terms of our futures, maybe this isn’t the best lifestyle decision. It’s not something we talk about a lot, but it’s something we’re always thinking about. Maybe we should put more emphasis on school or work or building a foundation for a normal future, but as sporadic and fleeting as it is, not once have any of us ever regretted this decision. I honestly don’t think we ever will. alt