This track is about what I would do when all of the thematic driving points would occur at the same time. Essentially, an overwhelming amount of feelings and thoughts that were only half audible would all try to reach my brain at the same time and it would clog and overheat my brain. This would result in me being this lifeless marionette figure, and when I’m like this I would prefer having somebody else take control of my life, with or without their consent. Basically just the abandonment of oneself and wanting somebody else to manipulate you around so that to an extent, you still feel somewhat human.
“Cry Baby” is the tails to “Make It Hurt”’s heads. This song is all about the masochism and the enjoyment of misery to the point where I bring it upon myself. The difference between this one and “Make It Hurt” is that this one is all about the mental side of it, rather than physical, and addiction to fantasy bonds that inevitably result in toxic relationships that in turn fill me with the [emotional] hurt that I have been addicted to for as long as I can remember—emotional masochism.
“THE SMILING KNIFE”
This song is all about social manipulation, the methods in which words and situations can be spun and changed in order to fulfill my prerogative. The term comes from those who will dig into your chest with a knife with their words, but always with a big grin. It’s an exaggeration, however, the lyrics are not so much an exaggeration. This song speaks for itself.
This song touches on depersonalization and dissociation in the form of desiring those feelings. It touches on existential dread, projection, addiction and pain.
“CLOSER TO ME”
“Closer To Me” is essentially bringing the fact that in order to fully control the dark parts of myself—and the parts I had historically ignored—I need to get closer to those parts to light; closer to the Bad Bad Man; closer to me. I need to get closer to me.
“CROSS MY HEART”
This song acts as a montage for the entire record, lyrically. It talks about how historically when I didn’t understand something (especially about myself), I would give up and just ignore it. It goes into the pain that’s associated with practicing that mindset and the last section of the song brings to light part of the reason why the split between my light and dark existed in the first place. “Do you know what it’s like? To have the worst in you glorified? By fucks who only care when you’re sad or if you cried. Positive reinforcement for feeling suicidal? For wishing I was dead? Why didn’t you ask if I was okay instead.”
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