This week our favorite green, punk-rock superhero, JADEDPUNKHULK, is taking over our playlist. And as usual, he’s taking no prisoners. Here are JADEDPUNKHULK’s favorite songs by bands he is now over.

WITH EXCEPTION OF DILLINGER FOUR, NO BAND CAN STAY AT TOP FOREVER. BUT SOME BANDS HAVE ENOUGH SELF-RESPECT TO CALL IT DAY WHEN ALBUMS START TO SUCK. OTHERS RIDE IT OUT UNTIL THEY OVERSTAY WELCOME.

THE BOUNCING SOULS – “QUICK CHEK GIRL”

HULK NO UNDERSTAND HOW PEOPLE DEFEND LAST 10 YEARS OF BOUNCING SOULS ALBUMS. REALITY CHECK, BROS: SOULS NOT PUT OUT GOOD RECORD SINCE HOPELESS ROMANTIC. AND THAT HULK BEING GENEROUS! IF YOU GONNA DEFEND GARBAGE LIKE GOLD RECORD, BY ALL MEANS, LISTEN TO IT BACK TO BACK WITH MANIACAL LAUGHTER AND YOU TELL HULK WITH STRAIGHT FACE THEY EVEN ON SAME PLANET! BUT TO HULK, “QUICK CHEK GIRL” WHAT CLASSIC SOULS ALL ABOUT.



HOT WATER MUSIC – “220 YEARS”

HULK STILL REMEMBER FIRST TIME HE HEAR HOT WATER MUSIC IN LATE ’90S AND THINK IT MOST RAW-SOUNDING BEARDO ROCK HULK EVER HEAR. THEN THEY START SOUNDING LITTLE TOO POLISHED OVER YEARS FOR HULK TASTE SO HULK NOT TOO SAD WHEN THEY BREAK UP. THEN THEY GET BACK TOGETHER AND SOUND MORE LIKE HOT WATER ADULT CONTEMPORARY. BUT HULK STILL GO BACK AND DROOL OVER HOW GOOD SONGS LIKE THIS WERE.

[NOTE: HULK REQUIRED BY PUNK LAW TO STATE THAT CHUCK RAGAN STILL MOST BADASS DUDE IN PUNK ROCK, AND HE PROBABLY CATCH THREE SHARKS WITH BARE HANDS IN TIME IT TAKE HULK TO WRITE THIS.]

BAD RELIGION – “I WANT TO CONQUER THE WORLD”

LIKE MOST PUNKS WITH EARS, HULK STOP LISTENING TO BAD RELIGION SOMETIME AROUND WHEN THE GRAY RACE COME OUT. HULK NOT REALLY SURE WHAT KIND OF ALBUMS THEY BEEN PUTTING OUT OVER LAST 15 YEARS. MAYBE THEY GOOD. MAYBE THEY NOT. FRANKLY, HULK NOT HAVE TIME TO LISTEN TO THEM ALL WITH DICTIONARY TO FIGURE OUT WHAT THE HELL PROFESSOR GRAFFIN TALKING ABOUT. HULK JUST LIKE TO REMEMBER SIMPLER TIME WHEN BAD RELIGION WANT TO CONQUER WORLD.

NOFX – “IT’S MY JOB TO KEEP PUNK ROCK ELITE”

2004 PRESIDENTIAL ELECTION PRETTY MUCH RUIN WORLD IN MILLION WAYS. IT DIVIDE COUNTRY, GET US STUCK IN TWO WARS FOR DECADE, AND STICK US WITH BORDERLINE ILLITERATE PRESIDENT FOR FOUR MORE YEARS. BUT WORST OF ALL, IT RUIN NOFX. WHEN FAT MIKE THROW HIS HAT INTO POLITICAL DISCOURSE, IT PROVE BANDS THAT SING ABOUT DIARRHEA AND BANGING FAT CHICKS NO SHOULD GET INVOLVED WITH ELECTORAL PROCESS. WE GET STUCK WITH GEORGE W. BUSH AND BUNCH OF BORING NOFX ALBUMS. THANKS, FAT MIKE.

ALKALINE TRIO – “CRINGE”

HULK MISS DAYS WHEN MATT SKIBA WAS RAMBUNCTIOUS YOUNG PUNK SINGING ABOUT AURORA. BUT THEN HE START WEARING PUNY RED TIE AND BLACK EYELINER. AND THEN HE REALLY GO OFF DEEP END WITH HIS SEKRETS SIDE PROJEKT KRAP AND START DRESSING LIKE JOHNNY DEPP VERSION OF TONTO IN NEW LONE RANGER MOVIE. BUT WHEN HULK HEAR OPENING CHORDS OF THIS SONG, HE KNOW HE IN FOR CLASSIC NO-BULLSHIT ALK3 ALBUM.

WEEZER – “MY NAME IS JONAS”

IF YOU BETWEEN AGES OF 25 AND 40 AND NOT KNOW EVERY SINGLE WORD TO FIRST TWO WEEZER ALBUMS, FRANKLY, YOU FREAK HULK OUT. WE ALL MAKE JOKE ABOUT RIVERS CUOMO BEING BIGGEST NERD OF ALL TIME AND HULK NO CAN NAME SINGLE SONG THEY PUT OUT IN LAST DECADE (WAIT: HOW COULD HULK FORGET “BEVERLY HILLS?”), BUT BACK IN ’94, WEEZER MOST MIND-BLOWING PIECE OF NERD ROCK WE ALL EVER HEARD.

BLACK FLAG – “DEPRESSION”

HULK NEVER THINK HE INCLUDE BLACK FLAG ON LIST OF BANDS THAT SUCK NOW. BUT BLACK FLAG REUNITE RECENTLY (TWICE) AND PUT OUT NEW MATERIAL THAT SOUND LIKE GREG GINN DICKING AROUND ON GUITAR IN BASEMENT IN FRONT OF HIS THOUSAND CATS. IT MAKE HULK WANT TO PUT ALL HIS PUNK RECORDS ON EBAY AND GET INTO TRANCE MUSIC OR SOMETHING. BUT JUST LIKE NO ONE REMEMBER MICHAEL JORDAN PERIOD WHEN HE WEAR NO. 45, DECADES FROM NOW, NO ONE GONNA REMEMBER THIS DARK STAIN ON BLACK FLAG CAREER. WE JUST GONNA REMEMBER SONGS LIKE “DEPRESSION.” THEY LIVE ON FOREVER.

SCREECHING WEASEL – “HEY SUBURBIA”

SAY WHAT YOU WILL ABOUT BEN WEASEL (AND IF NOT, HULK DO IT FOR YOU!), BUT BACK BEFORE BEN START PUSHING RIGHT-WING POLITICS AND PUNCHING LEFT-WING WOMEN, HE ONE OF BEST POP-PUNK FRONTMEN OF ALL TIME. THIS SONG REMIND HULK OF HOW BEN ONCE INSPIRE HULK AND THOUSAND OTHER KIDS TO LEARN THREE CHORDS AND PUT BAND TOGETHER IN BASEMENT.

AGAINST ME! – “REINVENTING AXL ROSE”

BETWEEN REVOLVING DOOR OF BAND MEMBERS, STADIUM SHOWS WITH GREEN DAY AND PUNK FASHION SEGMENTS ON MTV HOUSE OF STYLE, AGAINST ME! BECOME PUNK ROCK’S RUNNING JOKE. BUT IF YOU CAN GET PAST HOW HYPOCRITICAL “REINVENTING AXL ROSE” LOOK IN HINDSIGHT, IT HOLD UP AS SOLID PIECE OF PUNK ROCK. IT CATCHY, YOUTHFUL REBELLION THAT TELL “THE MAN” TO FUCK OFF. NOW “THE MAN” SIGNING AGAINST ME! PAYCHECKS.

GREEN DAY – “ONE OF MY LIES”

IF YOU TELL HULK 20 YEARS AGO THAT THESE THREE POP-PUNK NERDS SINGING ABOUT BERKELEY ONE DAY LOOK LIKE PUNK-ROCK GOLDEN GIRLS AND PUT ON BROADWAY MUSICALS, HULK WOULD HAVE LAUGHED IN STUPID FACE. BUT HERE WE ARE IN 2013, AND GREEN DAY BASICALLY GENE SIMMONS OF PUNK ROCK. HEY BILLIE JOE, YOU KNOW SOME BANDS TURN DOWN ENDORSEMENT DEALS RIGHT? HULK MISS GREEN DAY SONGS LIKE THIS THAT NOT ONLY FUN BUT NOT USED IN EVERY COMMERCIAL EVER.

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