Book Excerpt: Wish You Were Here: An Essential Guide To Your Favorite Music Scenes

April 2, 2009

Leslie Simon should be no stranger to readers of Alternative Press. The former managing editor of AP also co-authored the hilarious 2007 book, Everybody Hurts: An Essential Guide To Emo Culture. On April 7, Simon is back with her second book, Wish You Were Here: An Essential Guide To Your Favorite Music Scenes–From Punk To Indie And Everything In Between. But before you run over to your favorite online purveyor of paperbacks, we've got a few exclusive excerpts of Simon's latest offering.

Part travel guide and part snarky rock history, the book is broken up into chapters based on local scenes everywhere from Seattle to Suburban Florida.
These excerpts are just the tip of a insanely entertaining and crazy informative iceberg.

Illustrations by Rob Dobi.

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Chapter: Omaha, Nebraska

Counting Crows frontman Adam Duritz may've been born in Washington,
D.C., but he must've been a Midwesterner at heart when he
penned the immortal lyrics to what would become one of his band's
most beloved songs, "Omaha." Up until the mid-'90s–around the
same time that Duritz was dating half the female cast of Friends and
buying his dreadlocks down at the corner wig shop–O-Town was
primarily known for spawning less-than-brag-worthy acts like Larry
the Cable Guy and 311, a funk-rock fave of Kappa Sigmas everywhere.
However, thanks to a bunch of neighborhood friends who were inspired
by the music of Bob Dylan, Tom Waits, and Bruce Springsteen,
a trï¿½s important scene was starting to bubble up somewhere in Middle
America.

Many scenesters insist that the "Omaha sound" started to develop
when local legends Slowdown Virginia formed in 1993. Led by mastermind
Tim Kasher–who vacillated between sounding like Eddie
Vedder and Barry Gibb–Slowdown Virginia injected a healthy dose
of Americana into its brand of alt-indie rock and was the first band in
the scene to unite an entire community of budding artists and musicians.
Unfortunately, the band only lasted three years, but Kasher
wasn't done transforming the musical landscape just yet–and neither
was guitarist Ted Stevens, Kasher's classmate at Creighton Preparatory
School and future Cursive bandmate. Stevens would also try his
hand at commanding audiences with his folk-infused group Lullaby
for the Working Class, in which he played alongside brothers Mike
and A.J. Mogis, two Lincoln natives who would later be instrumental
in shaping the "Omaha sound."

While playing with Lullaby, Stevens was introduced to another
Creighton Prep classmate's geeky younger brother, who happened to
be writing heartfelt love songs on his acoustic guitar, despite the fact
that the kid: (1) was thirteen and (2) had probably never been in love.
Captivated by what he heard, Stevens encouraged the lil' guy to perform
at an open-mic night, and in one musical brush stroke, the scene
was introduced to the budding genius of Conor Oberst. Not quite ready
to strike out on his own, Oberst joined up with buddies Kasher, Robb
Nansel, Ben Armstrong (who would later start Head of Femur), and
two future members of the Faint to start Commander Venus, a loud,
disjointed alt-rock band that garnered enough national attention to
get signed by Thick Records. Unfortunately, soon after releasing 1997's
An Uneventful Vacation, Kasher called it quits to focus more attention
on his new project Cursive, and the rest of Commander Venus eventually
followed suit.
ï¿½ï¿½ï¿½ï¿½Rising from the ashes of Slowdown Virginia, Cursive brought
Kasher together with former bandmates Matt Maginn (bass) and
Stephen Pedersen (guitar) to shape their sound into something that
would transcend Slowdown's dingy and unrefined alt-rock roots.
Over the years, Kasher would rotate a variety of musicians and instruments
in and out, but the core of Cursive's experimental indie-
rock remained the same throughout releases like Domestica, The Ugly
Organ, and Happy Hollow. Art is hard, but change is good. Plus, as if
Kasher weren't busy enough, he still found time to focus on his intelligent,
folk-tinged, "don't you dare call it a side project" side project
the Good Life and managed to churn out a new album almost every
two years.
ï¿½ï¿½ï¿½ï¿½While Tim Kasher was writing in Cursive and the Good Life,
Conor Oberst started putting out albums under the moniker Bright
Eyes. Stark yet textured, atonal yet melodic, Oberst was gaining attention
in music scenes outside Omaha thanks to constant touring
and the release of Letting Off the Happiness and Fevers and Mirrors.

However, it was his breakthrough release Lifted or the Story Is in
the Soil, Keep Your Ear to the Ground that found the boy wonder at
the center of the mainstream media dial. Songs like "Lover I Don't
Have to Love" and "Bowl of Oranges" resonated with audiences and
critics alike, making it Saddle Creek's first release to sell more than
a hundred thousand copies. (They even celebrated by throwing a
party at the local zoo. No joke.) Although Oberst experimented with
different sounds (like his short-lived post-punk band Desaparecidos),
labels (his solo debut was released in August 2008 on Merge
Records), and locales (his temporary residence in NYC's East Village
provided much of the inspiration for 2005's I'm Wide Awake,
It's Morning), he always seems to come back home to Saddle Creek
and Omaha.
ï¿½ï¿½ï¿½ï¿½If there's one word that describes the "Omaha sound," it's "varied."
Whether you're talking about the Faint's dance-punk disco tunes,
Neva Dinova's folksy tales of sorrow and despair, or Atlanta transplants
Tilly and the Wall's kindergarten-cute indie-pop, all of these
bands have equally inspired and contributed to the scene. (Tilly even
proved you don't have to have a drummer to be a real-deal indie
band. You can use a tap dancer who looks like a slightly less bulbous
Beth Ditto. I'm not sure if that's always a good thing, though.) Since
the turn of the century, however, bands embodying the "Omaha
sound" aren't necessarily from the 68102 zip code: Instead, the scene
has newly adopted outsiders like Nik Freitas, Art in Manila, and San
Francisco's Two Gallants and treated them like one of its own. With
so much musical success to come out of Cornhusker country in the
last twenty years, I know it's only a matter of time before tastemakers
stop looking for "the next Seattle" and start searching for "the next
Omaha."

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Chapter: Long Island

Unfortunately, Long Island will always be treated like the redheaded
stepchild to the much hipper, cooler, and metropolitan New York
City. Yes, residents can zip from Great Neck to Penn Station in nearly
thirty minutes, but these two cities will forever remain worlds apart.
It's enough to make anyone mad, especially if your Manhattan-based
girlfriend just dumped you because she's tired of the commute and
would rather date someone in Five O'Clock Heroes because he's, like,
local and stuff.
ï¿½ï¿½ï¿½ï¿½It's because of this pain and suff ering that the Long Island scene
spawned some of the most beloved emo lyricists of the past decade.
One listen to their lyrics and it's obvious these songwriters have serious
issues to work through. In order to save them a trip to the psychiatrist,
I've decided to diagnose them myself. You can thank me
later, guys.

JOHN NOLAN FROM STRAYLIGHT RUN
DIAGNOSIS: Avoidant personality disorder
SYMPTOMS: Extreme shyness in social situations, highly self-conscious
and self-critical, lonely self-perception, mistrust of others
SAMPLE LYRICS: "I'm listening to what they say / Feeling less and
less okay" (from "How Do I Fix My Head" off The Needles the Space)
"A strong distaste for confrontation / Leaves no room for self ex-
pression / Such a strain to remain so docile / Th ough don't you know
it all takes its toll" (from "It Never Gets Easier" off Prepare to Be Wrong
EP)
"The words we say / Take different shapes / And you can only do so
much / To try and get your point across" (from "The Words We Say" off
The Needles the Space)
TREATMENT: Unless John participates in social-skills training, he's
doomed to a life where he makes people feel awkward at parties–especially
when they're stuck in a corner with him while he avoids eye
contact and mumbles softly about his favorite Dave Eggers novel.

JESSE LACEY FROM BRAND NEW
DIAGNOSIS: Narcissistic personality disorder
SYMPTOMS: Infl ated sense of self, erotic pleasure derived from
contemplation or admiration of one's own body, lack of empathy for
others
SAMPLE LYRICS: "Goodbye to love / Well, it's all right I'll push you
right against the wall / Take apart your head right against the wall /
Chew it up and swallow it" (from "Degausser" off The Devil and God
Are Raging Inside of Me)
"Oh, I would kill for the Atlantic but I'm paid to make girls panic
while I sing" (from "I Will Play My Game Underneath the Spin Light"
off Deja Entendu)
"I used to pray like God was listening / I used to make my parents
proud / I was the glue that kept my friends together / Now they don't
talk and we don't go out" (from "Millstone" off The Devil and God Are
Raging Inside Me)
TREATMENT: Because narcissism is considered to be an ingrained
personality trait, there's no known medical treatment. Great. Guess
the only thing to do is hide your mirrors and run away from Jesse
"Enough About Me . . . More About Me" Lacey at the first mention of
the ninth letter* of the alphabet.
* For anyone who can't count (or spell), that would be the letter I.

ADAM LAZZARA FROM TAKING BACK SUNDAY
DIAGNOSIS: Decidophobia*
SYMPTOMS: Fear of making bad decisions, excessive sweating,
shaking, inability to think or speak clearly, fear of losing control, feeling
of detachment from reality
SAMPLE LYRICS: "And I'm not so sure / If I'm sure of anything anymore"
(from "The Blue Channel" off Tell All Your Friends)
"I always know how to avoid the issue / Got me alone so I couldn't
address you" (from "The Union" off Where You Want to Be)
"So stop me if you've heard this one before / Sideways blinders /
I can't fi nd a way (around a way) around" (from "Miami" off Louder
Now)
TREATMENT: Unless Adam participates in hypnotherapy, he's liable
to find himself stuck in a sticky situation–like putting down the
bottle, getting engaged to a religious female songstress, and moving
to podunk Tyler, Texas, only to change his mind soon thereafter by
breaking off his engagement, hitting the bars again, marrying a female
bartender, and fathering a child. Come to think of it, I might be a
little too late on this one.
____________________
* Yes, this is totally a real disorder. Don't believe me? Wiki that shit!

DARYL PALUMBO FROM GLASSJAW/HEAD AUTOMATICA
DIAGNOSIS: Antisocial personality disorder
SYMPTOMS: Persistent lying, substance abuse, aggressive behavior,
superfi cial charm, sense of extreme entitlement, bed-wetting
SAMPLE LYRICS: "(I'll hold) My child's head underwater / If it's a
boy, I was joking / If it's a daughter, I'll say I did what I did because I
had to . . . / And If you fi nd my kid later, tell her I laughed, too" (from
"Hurting and Shoving" off Everything You Ever Wanted to Know About
Silence)
"I am the razor in the hands of your heart / And I am the razor in
the hands of God" (from "The Razor" off Decadance)
"Loving you / If I can't have you, no one will / Love you / And for
your love, I would kill" (from "Power Tool" off The Impossible Shot
demos)
TREATMENT: Judging from the symptoms above, it's no wonder
people suffering from antisocial personality disorder are often referred
to as sociopaths. In the case of Daryl Palumbo, psychotherapy
couldn't hurt–neither could Tranquility All-Th rough-Th e-Night briefs
for the occasional bout of incontinence.

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Chapter: Suburban Florida

After perusing the eloquently worded essential album guide detailed
above, it's easy to see that the musical community in Florida is incredibly
eclectic. After all, this is the same scene that can take credit for
inspiring punk troubadours, underage hardcore kids, and goofy ska
fans alike. So where exactly do you fi t in? Th at's a good question, but
not one that can be properly answered until you examine the fi ve major
scenesters that currently exist in Florida's musical landscape.

THE HEARTFELT ACOUSTIC
SCENESTER
If you fi nd yourself consistently pushing your
MySpace URL on people at parties or saying things
like, "Dude, you've got to listen to this new demo I
posted called ‘Th e Wicked Tyranny of Young
Hearts'; it's awesome," then this is probably
the category that suits you best. Mostly
male and underfed, your average Heartfelt
Acoustic Scenester is constantly waging a
war against detractors who mock his sensitivity.
So what if he watches Dr. Phil and
subscribes to Cosmo? It's only to better acquaint
himself with the fabulous females
in his life. (Th ey're often misunderstood,
you know.) Why should it matter that he
has a man-crush on Ryan Reynolds or that
he carries around a small notepad in his
back jean pocket so he can write down his
feelings at a moment's notice? Don't mistake
his tenderness and gentility for frailty and
weakness. Th e Heartfelt Acoustic Scenester is
all man–at least that's what he keeps telling
himself when the cashier at Publix says, "Would
you like the receipt in the bag, miss?"

ON THEIR iPODS
Dashboard Confessional
Iron and Wine
Secondhand Serenade

THE FRAT PUNK SCENESTER
Have you ever tailgated in the Dolphin Stadium
parking lot while blasting the fi rst New Found
Glory record? Do you buy most of your wardrobe
from stores like Abercrombie & Fitch,
Hollister, and American Eagle? Are you still
trying to translate the Chinese letters
you got tattooed on your chest during
spring break last year (though you've
got it narrowed down to "Free as a
Bird" or "Watch Out, Bird Poop")? If
you answered "yes" to any–or all–
of the above, allow me to induct you
into the Frat Punk Scenester brotherhood.
As opposed to other fraternities,
though, no one is going to test your loyalty
by forcing you to participate in the elephant
walk.* Th ere's no hazing necessary to become
a Frat Punk Scenester. Possessing a
hideous wardrobe and obnoxious personality
is punishment enough.

ON THEIR iPODS
Yellowcard
New Found Glory
O.A.R.
* If you don't already know what this is, then let's
keep it that way. Trust me. You're better off .

THE SKA PUNK SCENESTER
Are you in your mid-thirties, still sporting secondhand
thrift-store suits, and driving the kind of
run-down vintage car that hasn't passed an
E-Check in fi fteen years? When you go to a
local show, do you oftentimes fi nd yourself
standing in the back, complaining about how
"all these pussy emo bands" are "ruining the
scene"? If so, then you are probably a Ska
Punk Scenester, and let's face it, you
are part of a dying breed. Take pride
in that fact. But you know, maybe not
too much pride. After all, you still
have to go home at night and listen
to ska records, which isn't something
I'd wish on my worst enemy.

ON THEIR iPODS
Less Than Jake
Madness
The Mighty Mighty Bosstones

ï¿½

THE MALL PUNK SCENESTER
In order to properly diagnose you, I'd appreciate it if you could answer
a three-part quiz:
1. Do you like pop-punk?
2. Do you like the mall?
3. Do you like talking about pop-punk
at the mall?
If you answered yes to any of these
questions, then you are a bonafi de
Mall Punk Scenester and, hands
down, you are one of the most ubiquitous
scenesters I'll be outlining in
the section. Take a stroll through any
local shopping center in Florida and
you're bound to see a handful of kindred
spirits loitering in front of Pretzel
Time, wearing baggy Dickies shorts,
and loudly discussing how awesome it
was to hear We the Kings being played
during last night's episode of The Hills.
For better or worse, these are the fans
who helped introduce the Florida music
scene to the mainstream, which
was not exactly embraced by the
next group I'll be discussing here,
which is . . .

ON THEIR iPOD
All Time Low
Boys Like Girls
Mayday Parade

THE BEARD PUNK SCENESTER
. . . ah, yes, the Beard Punk Scenesters. Th ese
often-hairy scene luminaries couldn't be
more diff erent from the group described
above. For one, they wouldn't be caught
dead at the mall. No, they'd rather spend
their time hanging at dingy squats in
Gainesville, even though their
parents live in the affl uent Haile
Plantation section of the city.
Recreational activities aside,
there's another way to properly
identify if you are, in
fact, a Beard Punk Scenester.
Th ree words: You smell bad.
Really bad. You see, despite
the fact that most Beard Punk
Scensters work at their local
co-op (where, last time I checked,
they carry things like "shampoo" and
"soap"), the majority of them choose
to smell like wet garbage covered
in baby spit-up that's spent the past
week marinating in the hot sun. Dude,
even the description makes me wanna
dry heave. So, if your odor is so nasty
that it off ends the nasal passages of
homeless people, then there's a pretty
good chance that you're a Beard Punk
Scenester.