On the latest episode of the BadChristian podcast, former Sleeping With Sirens guitarist Jesse Lawson gives an incredibly honest interview regarding the full reasoning behind his departure from the band. 

“My heart just … wasn’t in it anymore,” he said. “It’s so weird because you have all these other bands who are like, ‘You’re crazy. You play these huge shows. You would be insane to not stick that out.’ But the thing was, my heart just stopped vibing with it; the music at times, the lifestyle at times, the people at times.”

Read more: Sleeping With Sirens part ways with guitarist Jesse Lawson

Despite his straightforwardness, however, he offers no ill intent towards his former bandmates. “And that’s not saying the Sirens guys were assholes or anything. I mean, I’d be lying if I said that we didn’t get in fights. Any band who says they don’t get in fights are lying—you do get in fights. You’re brothers, essentially, and you’re around those people all the time. So it wasn’t necessarily that, I just stopped… believing in it.”

Read more: Jesse Lawson (ex-Sleeping With Sirens) launches new project

When questioned as to why he lost belief in the endeavor, he hesitantly admits to jealousy. “When I started to kinda get pushed away [and had] a bad taste in my mouth with the band, it was just so much like… the Kellin show,” he said. “And that’s nothing that he did on purpose; that’s nothing that he could choose, that’s just how it went.”

Lawson goes on to talk about much of the time he spent in the band, but he does so not with grumbling negativity, but an essence of positive nostalgia. 

He recently premiered his latest solo single, “August 5th,” on AltPress. 

Created by current Emery members Toby Morrell and Matt Carter, along with former bassist Joey Svendsen, BadChristian is a thriving community that focuses on interacting with culture from an alternative Christian point of view. They do so by being transparent, entertaining, honest and artistic. Their book, Bad Christian, Great Savior, is available for purchase now.