Martha Stewart Living’s idea of a “punk rock party” will make you cringe

Martha Stewart Living recently ran this gem of an article, “Rock On! How To Throw A Punk Rock-Inspired Party!” (Photo: YouTube.) In the article, the writer tries to string together a “birthday bash for a pint-sized punk rocker”—and in the process, the least punk thing of 2014 is born. Here’s what they suggest for your punk rock party:

Invitations: Instead of regular party invites, the article suggests, use invitations that look like concert tickets. (Cute!)

Decorations: Decorate with “punk-inspired” garlands, which are apparently plaid fabric with brass safety pins. (This just ends up looking like Christmas.)

Activities: Set up a booth where attendees can give each other mohawks, dye their hair crazy colors and get “colorful, kid-friendly tattoos.” The article also suggests making a matchbox guitar, studded jewelry and carving punk rock pumpkins.

Music: Stewart’s publication is actually on point here, suggesting the Clash’s “London Calling” and the Ramones’ “Sheena Is A Punk Rocker” to score your party.

Food: Spinach Ricotta Skulls with bacon and onion dip is what the article advises. (Nope!) For dessert, they recommend cupcakes topped with music sheets of “your favorite punk jam.”

There you have it, that’s how Martha Stewart does punk in 2014. Below, you can learn how to make a “punk rock” pumpkin.