Are you depressed that no one is hiring unboxing bloggers in your hometown? Are you frustrated that you can’t feed your comic book habit on the measly streaming money your cutting edge grind-trap project is generating? Well cheer up, friends: Taco Bell is coming to your rescue with decent salaries.
According to a recent article in Bloomberg, the fast food institution is discussing how to implement yearly salaries of up to $100,000. Citing an increasingly rough labor market, the Mexican fast food chain is thinking that if you pay them, they won’t just come: They’ll stay.
The article says that managers of company-owned Taco Bell stores make an average of $50,000 to $80,000 in yearly salary. The chain is testing the higher-salary experiment in various locations in Northeast and Midwest America. The idea of significantly boosting fast-food workers’ wages has been explored with successful results from companies like In-N-Out Burger and Detroit’s Moo Cluck Moo.
Employees will also now be paid for up to 24 hours of sick time, according to the Los Angeles Times. The perk was previously only offered for managers, but now staff that has worked a minimum of 90 days will enjoy the same option.
So here’s to the masses who can’t deliver lyrical flow that doesn’t sound like they just woke up unexpectedly from a drank bender. Taco Bell is handing out baller wages to get you on your path. Because at the end of the 5:30 a.m. night shift, getting all the stuff right in a seven-layer burrito is more important than yelling about the Lamborghini you’ll never drive with a Cardi B clone riding shotgun.
And as a matter of fact, yes, we do want sauce with that…
More on Taco Bell
Taco Bell, the genius fast-food company built upon multiple permutations of the same five food items, unveiled their latest merchandise. Starting today, the company’s online shop is now offering onesies of your favorite hot sauce packets among other thematic products.
For the nominal price of $79.95 each, you can acquire onesies of their branded mild, hot and fire sauces. We’re not the slightest bit shocked. We live in a world where consumers will actually let themselves be seen out in public in their plushy sleepwear buying groceries, cigarettes or contraceptives. And let’s face it: The new Taco Bell line is far less embarrassing than that repeat chili-pepper pattern tie your fathers, uncles and assorted Guy Fieri wannabes perceive as “cool.”
Teaming up with Tipsy Elves, the hot sauce packet onesies come in three flavors—or colors—fire, hot and mild.
Fans burdened by heavy wallets have more reasons to celebrate: The Taco Bell sauce packet collection isn’t limited to suburban couture. Fans of faux-Mex memorabilia can pony up to buy sauce-packet pillows ($25), blankets ($40), ornament set ($20) and the piece de resistance, a six-foot-tall inflatable hot sauce yard decoration ($200).
You could hook up the beard-core punk enthusiasts on your holiday list with a Taco Everyday shirt, and nobody would dare call you lame. It takes a special kind of person to rock a hot sauce onesie in public, and we bet it’s someone with a complete discography of A Day To Remember and Four Year Strong tracks on their phones.
If you come down with a bad case of the munchies, no worries. Head for the border (we do mean the drive-thru line, naturally) wearing your onesie. If you’re so ravenously famished that you spill sauce on yourself, you’re good. Nobody will be able to see it. That, friends, is prescient fast-food engineering. (But doesn’t entirely replace the hole left by the absence of the XXL grilled stuft burrito from the Taco Bell menu.)
Check out the full collection here, and share with us which inflatable condiment replicas you’d gladly put on your front lawn in a heartbeat, whether it’s chili garlic Cholula or Black Note vape juice…