Nessa Barrett on her first-ever tour, the meaning behind "die first," and being saved by music

It’s two hours to showtime and Ubers line the road to New York City’s riverside Terminal 5 venue. As rideshare doors shut, concertgoers are met with the smell of NYC halal carts, 45-degree weather amplified by the Hudson River winds, and a queue of Nessa Barrett fans around the block in variations of black pants, leather jackets, and cowboy hats. 

Inside the venue, another queue of fans awaits their turn to meet the Philly-born 20-year-old songwriter. After each hug and flash of the camera, squeals emit as they turn the corner and are presented with a white rose. It’s no wonder the anticipation warms the room as this is Barrett’s first-ever tour, despite her 2020 debut single “Pain” being met with millions of listening ears. Between the hugs and excitement of the meet and greet, there is an urgent second when manager Bree and Barrett’s mother are called over as Nessa leans against a railing in need of water. This happens from time to time as the singer suffers from stomach issues, Bree explains. After taking a few deep breaths, the soft-spoken Barrett looks up, smiles, brushes back her long black tresses, and continues on to greet the next fan. In that instance, it’s obvious how much her supporters mean to her.

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It’s been a hectic day, Bree says, as we watch the meet and greet from the sidelines. They had a 3 a.m. bus call time to drive in from Philadelphia on the tour bus, checked into the NYC hotel, got a few hours of sleep, and then headed to the venue for the routine sound check, meet and greet, and 20-song setlist. While it seems like these days anyone can amass a following overnight, this chaotic dream didn’t come out of nowhere. From a young age, Barrett was introduced to music by her parents, who did everything they could to make it a part of her life. For Christmas, they gifted her a kid studio, and she recorded her first song at 4 years old, which she still has saved on her phone now. Nurturing these talents, she learned how to use engineering software, even helping her father out during his recording sessions. Now halfway through her Young Forever tour on the first of three sold-out New York City dates, we sit down in her green room and between sips of tea with 25 minutes to spare and reflect on the days leading up to this moment. 

What’s your typical day like on tour? 

The first thing I like to do in the morning is meditate. I feel like my anxiety meditation has helped me a lot. I also have these daily gratitude journals and manifest journals, and I usually fill out those because there’s morning entries and evening entries and stuff. Then I shower, pack up all my stuff for the venue. 

Bree was telling me earlier that you love life on the tour bus. What’s so special about it to you?

It’s just very different from my home back in LA, and so I think that’s why I love it so much. Because I feel like I’m not at home. Also, hotels make me really anxious, and on the tour bus, I get to live and sleep with my best friends, which is harder when we’re in a hotel room. We also made the tour bus very me — I have these fun pillows, and I bedazzled everyone’s names on their bunks, so it’s just fun. Back in LA, I live alone, so it gets a little bit lonely. 

I noticed your mom is here with you on tour. What’s it been like having her join you?

I’ve been dealing with a hard year, and I usually try to get her to visit me as much as I can. The last time she saw me was when I was in rehearsals, and I was like, “I really want you to come on the road with me for a week” because she works, she’s busy, she has my brother. I feel like I love doing this, and I have the team and the crew and all my friends around me who are so insanely supportive, but nothing’s like having your mom. 

Exactly. I feel like you never get too old for some mom time.

It’s so great. She’s here mommying me like back when I was 6, and I just feel so loved.

Since you spend so much time on the bus, how do you pass the time?

I’m trying to learn magic tricks, so I’ll practice on my crew, and it’s just so funny. The first two times I totally failed. We also play this game — it’s so chaotic — [that’s] like our own version of Charades where we put everyone on the crew’s name in a bowl, and then someone will randomly pick a name and then act out that person, and we have to guess. On our days off, too, we’ll go to little activities. We just went go-karting, which was so much fun, especially because we all wore cowboy hats since my alter ego is Baby Cowboy. I think we’ll go horseback riding in Nebraska, maybe. 

I keep seeing Baby Cowboy everywhere! Can you tell me where that comes from?

Yeah, it was really random. I think two years ago I made a spam on Instagram called Baby Cowboy. It’s also a SoundCloud name, and I developed it as my stage persona. When I’m writing and performing, I feel like my music is so me and I’m just very authentic, but at the same time, I feel different when I’m in my element in music. I like to call her Baby Cowboy. It’s also become a very niche thing that all my supporters love. They come wearing cowboy hats, too, and they make me cowboy hats. I also hate putting my name on things because I just don’t want it to be like, “Oh, my God, I’m branding everything with my name.” So I’m like let’s slap Baby Cowboy on.

[Photo by Colin Miller]

So you’re here on your Young Forever tour, named after your debut album. Tell me about the setlist creation.

So when I was originally building my setlist, I created it so that it would be in story form. Then, I went to the world’s most amazing music director, Asaf Rodeh, and he gave me the ideas for the setlist we have now. We worked together on the transitions in the beginning, intros and all that stuff. He really showed me how to build the show as much as we can using the music, and when I heard the setlist for the first time, I was just blown away because it was nothing like I would have expected.

You’ve played a few shows now while on the road. Have there been any favorites to perform so far? Any songs where the fans have just been screaming every lyric right back at you?

There have been so many amazing and powerful moments. I feel so fun and so free and confident during my song “gaslight.” “lovebomb” is always a moment. Everyone has their flashlights on, and it just feels like that’s one of the songs that I really get to connect with everyone in the crowd. It’s very vulnerable and intimate. I dropped a song right before tour started called “BANG BANG!,” and the amount of energy and excitement that they had for a new song was so shocking and amazing to me. I also get to play a new unreleased song — it’s stripped-down acoustic, and I think it’s really fun to see the reaction to all the new music.

[Photo by Colin Miller]

That’s so lovely to hear, and I’m excited to see the show after this! Can you talk to me about the chemistry between yourself and the band?

I love my band more than anything. I would call them my best friends. With the entire tour team, it’s so important for me to make everyone feel like family and for me to feel like everyone’s family. We’re so close, and it’s just so fun and exciting because there’s such a difference from me writing and recording my music versus playing it live. The energy that the rest of the band brings into hypes me up. I deal with social anxiety and so do they. You wouldn’t really know that, but it’s just so nice to do a show and do a tour with people that you love and be with them because it’s not that nerve-wracking and you just feel cool.

You’re playing these amazing sold-out shows where fans come out singing every word and even wait out in the cold. On your latest Instagram post, you mentioned that the fans saved you. Can you talk to me about what this all means to you?

Everyone that supports me in my music completely showers me with love. I feel like they let me be so vulnerable, and they make me feel so understood. They all say that they relate to my music so much, and I saved them because they finally feel like they’re not alone, but that’s actually how they make me feel. That’s how they make me feel. It validates my feelings. Sometimes I’m like, “Oh, my God, I’m crazy!” If I didn’t have all the love and support that I do, it would be really hard for me to see myself getting out of those hard times. So I feel like it just really all saved me. Music saved me, and I wouldn’t be able to do what I do without them. They gave me the life that I had only dreamt about.

[Photo by Colin Miller]

You have such a deep connection with your fans, and I noticed that after the meet and greet, your team was handing out white roses in return. What’s the meaning behind the flower?

We had this idea because I have a song called “die first” that’s dedicated to my best friend Cooper, who passed away. We do this thing where we hold up white roses for him during the song, and I think it’s just a really nice moment to remember him. It just warms my heart, and it makes me so motivated to keep going.

[Photo by Colin Miller]

When I go track by track and look at the song credits, your name is there for every one. You’ve also mentioned a couple of times now that your music is vulnerable and “very you.” It’s your expression of lessons learned. Can you tell me a bit about those lessons?

I feel like music has been the most effective form of therapy for me because I’m just able to really express myself, which besides through music, is really hard for me to communicate properly. When I’m able to write down these lyrics on a piece of paper and really just evaluate what I’ve been going through and situations that I’ve been in in life, it helps me understand myself more and also lets me come to terms with everything that I’ve been through. I write about heartbreak and my BPD, which I feel like a lot of my fans also experience in some way. A lot of that comes with self-neglect and giving everything to other people, so I think learning how to love yourself and not only give all of your love to others, but back to yourself, is a big lesson that I’ve learned. Also, not everyone has as much of a good heart as you do. I think that’s the biggest thing, and it hurts. Good people and kind people in the world are the ones that get the most hurt. People don’t really think about that when they get hurt. They’re so down on themselves. But it’s really just [that] you just have such a good and strong heart that you care so much, and that’s why you get hurt. 

Lastly, you have a new era coming! What can you say about that? 

I have a new project coming out in the summer, and I’m so beyond excited for it because I feel like something really clicked after releasing Young Forever. I got to realize what I want in music and what I’m comfortable doing. I’ve also gotten more confident enough to just step out of the box and experiment more. Also, [I’m] 20 now. When I started writing Young Forever, I think I was 18, and I’ll be turning 21 soon, so it just feels very mature. There’s a song on there called “American Jesus,” which I’m performing on this tour, and it’s by far one of my favorites I’ve ever written.