10 bands that are actually terrifying

If you routinely binge-watch horror movie franchises or attend entirely too many haunted house attractions this time of year, you’ll agree that the word “scary” is a relative term.

Drafting a list of purportedly terrifying rockers is a significantly blood-covered, slippery slope. Do you put in bands who look all creepy-crawly? Or do you put in peeps who look like normal grocery baggers, but play gigs that genuinely make you fear for your life? Or do you split the difference and do both? As one internationally famous rocker once told this writer, “Violence is only real when it happens to you.”

Read more: Bands share the scariest thing that’s ever happened to them

So enjoy this list. And be careful when you leave the house, because danger is everywhere…

GG ALLIN

The undeniably bent GG Allin wrote some decidedly non-cuddly songs (“Live Fast, Die Fast,” “You Hate Me And I Hate You”) and routinely directed abuse at crowds by playing in the nude, punching out audience members and defecating onstage. The guy who embodied the phrase “off the hook” vowed he would kill himself at his last show, but the club (NYC’s the Gas Station) erupted into a riot and the gig was shut down by police. He never did make good on his promise, having instead perished from a heroin overdose in someone’s apartment in June 1993. You’ve got to admit that being randomly punched or pooped on at a show is a pretty scary proposition. Unless you’re into that—then it’s just another Monday, right?

ARAB ON RADAR

Nothing particularly scary about this late-’90s noise-rock unit fronted by Eric Paul. That is, until Arab On Radar got onstage, plugged in and created a caterwauling scree that emanated the ugliest of vibes. While onstage, Paul threw himself into everything (bandmates, audience) while approximating the high-pitched squealing heard in animal-testing facilities. When this writer first saw them, the bad vibes spilled out into the street post-show, with plenty of fights, vandalism and muggings going down. Or was it just the neighborhood? (RIP, Speak In Tongues, Cleveland.)

BAD LUCK 13 RIOT EXTRAVAGANZA

I know, I know. Who hasn’t had the hell beat out of them in the pit of a hardcore show? Because after all, your level of dedication to a hardcore band is directly proportional to how much your post-show trip to the ER costs. Bad Luck 13 Riot Extravaganza, Philadelphia’s reigning kings of bad vibes, routinely put everyone to the test. Onstage brawls between members? Check. The kind of furniture smashing (tables, chairs) you see at wrestling exhibitions? Yep. Fireworks and smoke bombs? Routine. Rotting livestock carcasses thrown into crowds? Ditto. Fluorescent bulbs being smashed on band/audience members? Of course. Criminal use of sawblades of all shapes and sizes? Maybe. Smashing a huge jar of live bees onstage to share with the crowd? All in a night’s work. HxCx-types still talk about their show at Hellfest 2004, and rightfully so. Can’t help but think these guys define a great gig by the number of EMT and police vehicles arriving to a venue.

BAUHAUS

Dark-rock quartet Bauhaus are considered the preeminent cornerstone of gothic rock, but history has shown that they were also indispensable to the evolution of post-punk possibilities. But when it comes to goth-rock’s imagery spectrum, they pretty much won point, game and match with the video for the title track of their second album, Mask. Guitarist Daniel Ash creepily drips saliva into frontman Peter Murphy’s “dead” carcass in order to resurrect him in an explosion of dust, powder, ectoplasm and other substances that look good on black and white film. “Mask” is where poetry and fear intersect magnificently.

DEATHSPELL OMEGA

French black-metal practitioners Deathspell Omega are a mystery wrapped in an enigma that’s cloaked in anonymity. Really. Their legend status is cemented by the reality that no one really knows who they are, what they look like or what exactly they’re trying to convey. There’s a whole metaphysical/philosophical/intellectual axis to their defining work, Si Monvmentvm Reqvires, Circvmspice (translation: “If you seek his monument, look around you”) that’s parsecs away from the legion of dudes with bad skin wearing Slayer shirts who insist on defacing public signs by turning all renderings of the letter “o” into pentagrams. The cover art pictures our planet as a late-term abortion, and the members’ articulate assessment of the dynamic between Satan and mankind transcends boo-scary Halloween posturing for maximum fear. And you thought photos of Donald Trump in full-rage mode were truly terrifying…

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EINSTÜRNZENDE NEUBAUTEN

Pioneering German industrial outfit (whose name translates as “Collapsing New Buildings”) used some traditional instruments, but also employed everything from found metal objects, power tools (the sounds they made and the destruction they could do) and earth elements (fire, water, dirt, wind) in their quest to convey as difficult a listening experience as possible. Frontman Blixa Bargeld was both cool AF and disturbing to watch, singing about everything from his favorite color (“Schwarz,” of course) to sticking voodoo pins in phone books. Neubauten have evolved significantly since their compelling early primitivism, but they’re still capable of turning your blood to Freon. (Fun Fact: They were supposed to be on the cover of AP back in 1987, but a lack of operating revenue grounded the mag that year. —throwback minutiae ed.)

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MISFITS

Was there anyone who wasn’t ecstatic or dismayed when the iconic New Jersey horror-punks said they would reconvene for some shows this year? Decades prior to this summer’s dates, going to see the Misfits live was a full-on head rush. But if you got onstage to try to have a dick-waving contest with the band, your ass got flattened by the frontline of Glenn Danzig, Jerry Only and Doyle. This writer remembers seeing Danzig’s post- ‘fits outfit Samhain play a gig in Pittsburgh, and watching him suppress an overexcited fan. Post-gig, he joked, “If he wooda done that to Doyle, there wouldn’t’ve been enough of the dude to vacuum up off the carpet.”

PORTAL

Yes, a bunch of dudes dressed in all black and topped with executioner hoods seems positively jokey, especially this time of year. And who could possibly take seriously a lead singer (who goes by the name the Curator) whose face is obscured by a wizard’s hat or what looks like a clock or a birdhouse? But there is something genuinely sinister and patently evil about Australian black-metal quartet Portal, whose great-grandparents might possibly be posing with Aleister Crowley in the OG occultist’s photo archives. The freakishly large fingers of the guitarists qualify them to legally change their last names to “Krueger,” without the slightest whiff of irony. Besides, it’s not like any of you are going to burn down a church listening to All Time Low, right?

SKINNY PUPPY

Providence, Rhode Island, noise rockers Tinsel Teeth are a pretty great band—driving, furious and punishing (check out their Load Records debut, Trash As The Trophy). However, their original singer, Stephanie, was terrifying in ways that audio alone couldn’t capture. Usually wearing a skimpy negligee, hastily applied makeup, splatters of blood (real, other) and an almost comically large… um… reproduction of male anatomy, Steph had this writer wondering if she had massive psychological issues or was on day three of a six-day meth-fueled bender. No floor was too hard for her to land on headfirst, no dude was too big to take a swing at or kick in the crotch. She could probably have taken three shots from a tranq gun and still come after you like a charging rhinoceros. Too bad she quit. Maybe making dudes lose control of their bowels got boring?