These are the weird band merch items we all secretly want

Ever since the music industry shifted much of its focus away from physical product, the race is on to see who can come up with the best weird band merch. What beautiful (yet useless) tchotchke will get a fan to lighten their wallet? We’re sure you’ve seen more than a few examples. But if you’re like us, you probably own a lot more.

Naturally, the black concert tee is the cornerstone of every band’s merch operation. Who could forget seeing walls of them plastered up every time Warped rolled into town? Pins are pretty cool. Beer coozies are OK, but kind of boring. But a lava lamp with your fave band’s logo on it? That’s worth skipping some meals for. That’s definitely some cool weird band merch, right there.

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At the height of Pirate’s Bay popularity, it was getting pointless for bands to try and sell five-inch aluminum discs with music on them. (Admittedly, some of us here have entire rooms filled with those things.) Bands were adopting the mindset that each new shirt you issued was just as important as the next piece of music you released. But every artist from KISS to A Day To Remember likes to take their game up a notch. And that’s when the band merch gets gloriously weird.

It’s ironic that the coronavirus pandemic has given bands a new item for their merch lines. Too bad there’s no shows to buy them at. We look forward to the end of stay-home orders and the ability to congregate with our friends at live music events once again. But chilling in front of Netflix wearing your favorite band’s name on a Snuggie? That friends, is sometimes really all you need.