10 times your work completely misunderstood what it’s like to be in a band
[Photo by: NBC]
Punk doesn’t pay the rent, but to keep a roof over your head and vegan snacks in your belly, most of us have to take up some kind of daytime job—whether it’s filing papers in an office or washing shot glasses behind a bar. While the extra cash is always a bonus, dealing with your co-workers’ awkward attempts to connect with you through your band can occasionally make you question whether it was all worth it.
Read more: 5 worst types of band members to have
Play us a tune
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When you walk into the office lugging your gear ready for a gig that evening and your work mates, without missing a beat, yell out “play us a tune!” I’ve just dragged 150 pounds of gear across the city, invoking the seething rage of every other commuter around me so unless you’ve got $50 in your pocket, a tune isn’t what you’re gonna get from me.
Booking time off to go on tour
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Even though you’ve given proper notice and booked your own vacation, your manager always gives you that disapproving look when you tell them it’s for tour. Look, if Brenda from accounting can go to Thailand for a month to “find herself,” I can use my time off to drive around the country in a run-down van.
When you get back from tour and everyone asks how your vacation was
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Vacation? What is that? I don’t know what that word means. I’ve literally just been working for two weeks straight. The last time I had a vacation, Iggy Azalea was still a thing.
Wouldn’t you rather be doing this full time?
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It’s got nothing to do with what I’d rather be doing and everything to do with the fact that the rent needs to be paid. Hence, me sitting in the cubicle next to you.
Why don’t you try a TV talent show?
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I don’t think Simon Cowell is gonna take a chance on a grindcore band from North London. On the other hand, I don’t think I’d take a chance on Cowell, so the feeling is mutual.
Where do you see this band thing going?
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The thing is, you know exactly where your band is going. You want to release a few records, play some fun shows with your mates and build up a steady following. What your co-worker really wants to hear is a 10-point business plan of how you’re gonna make Adele money in the next two years.
Let’s all go to your gig
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The first thing your workmates always say after finding out you’re in a band is, “We should all come to one of your gigs sometime.” It’s a sweet but ultimately empty gesture. Do you really like death metal, Norman? I think not.
You must be living the high life in a band?
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Sure. I sleep on floors, hang around in rooms that smell like farts and get excited about free food. The most I get is a free can of tepid beer. I’m as far as you could possibly be from making Mariah Carey-style requests for all white rooms and single color bowls of M&M’s.
You thinking what I’m thinking? Office band
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Just because I play guitar, Dave plays drums and Anna on reception once took a piano lesson doesn’t mean you need to force us together. Where would we play? In the meeting room?
We need some background music…
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Never, never, never play my band’s music on the office stereo, or I will have to damage company property to save my own embarrassment and it’ll all be your fault, Jan.
