You think we would’ve got a cooking show out of the idea, but it was a no-go. It’s like this: Four years ago, APTV asked the men of Waterparks to chop and dice onions while being interviewed. Four years later, we asked them to watch the video. Waterparks—Awsten Knight, Geoff Wigington and Otto Wood—didn’t spare each other from a deluge of smack talk and ball-busting.
We’re still trying to navigate what’s funnier: the original video clip showing everyone’s skill with paring knives or the guys strolling down Memory Lane with talks of burning van radios, stolen sweaters and dead pets. (“You shouldn’t own pets,” Knight says. “They’re just going to break your heart.”) You do get to hear Knight-then talk about being called “the devil” because he has two different colored eyes and Knight-now having to convince people it’s OK, he’s over it. (“It’s not an open wound, I swear.”)
There is a particularly melancholy portion of the video where Awsten Knight looks at himself in the clip and almost regretfully says, “He just doesn’t know yet. He doesn’t know so many things. I don’t think I’d tell him.” He pauses for comedic effect. “But I should…” Later on, he talks about the epiphany he’s had checking out his haters’ social media profiles and realizing how they should never stand in the way of making the art that he wants to make. (“As an artist, it’s your job to show people what they are going to like.”)
Have you ever owned, like, a reptile? Are you hungry for a salad, maybe a pizza right about now? Don’t worry: This is your day. Thank Waterparks—and your wise-guy pals at APTV.
Oh, yeah: You can see the original “Waterworks: Crying and Cutting Onions With Waterparks” video below. Because you know you do, that’s why.
Should we let Waterparks chop onions again while telling us sad stories? Sound off in the comments below.