Taco Bell Sauce Packets
[Photo via tacobell.com]

Taco Bell, the genius fast-food company built upon multiple permutations of the same five food items, unveiled their latest merchandise. Starting today, the company’s online shop is now offering onesies of your favorite hot sauce packets among other thematic products.

For the nominal price of $79.95 each, you can acquire onesies of their branded mild, hot and fire sauces. We’re not the slightest bit shocked. We live in a world where consumers will actually let themselves be seen out in public in their plushy sleepwear buying groceries, cigarettes or contraceptives. And let’s face it: The new Taco Bell line is far less embarrassing than that repeat chili-pepper pattern tie your fathers, uncles and assorted Guy Fieri wannabes perceive as “cool.”

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Teaming up with Tipsy Elves, the hot sauce packet onesies come in three flavors—or colors—fire, hot and mild.

Fans burdened by heavy wallets have more reasons to celebrate: The Taco Bell sauce packet collection isn’t limited to suburban couture. Fans of faux-Mex memorabilia can pony up to buy sauce-packet pillows ($25), blankets ($40), ornament set ($20) and the piece de resistance, a six-foot-tall inflatable hot sauce yard decoration ($200).

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You could hook up the beard-core punk enthusiasts on your holiday list with a Taco Everyday shirt, and nobody would dare call you lame. It takes a special kind of person to rock a hot sauce onesie in public, and we bet it’s someone with a complete discography of A Day To Remember and Four Year Strong tracks on their phones. 

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If you come down with a bad case of the munchies, no worries. Head for the border (we do mean the drive-thru line, naturally) wearing your onesie. If you’re so ravenously famished that you spill sauce on yourself, you’re good. Nobody will be able to see it. That, friends, is prescient fast-food engineering. (But doesn’t entirely replace the hole left by the absence of the XXL grilled stuft burrito from the Taco Bell menu.) 

Check out the full collection here, and share with us which inflatable condiment replicas you’d gladly put on your front lawn in a heartbeat, whether it’s chili garlic Cholula or Black Note vape juice…

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